Web pages and stomach sickness…

My researching has led me to making a web page in dedication to one of the characters, even though I have not read even one volume. I am odd, but oh well. I like doing these small projects. The page so far is nothing special, but then again I am not great at making web pages. In truth, web page making was another odd hobby I started doing back in seventh grade. I am surprised I remember as much as I do.

The rest of the week is a blur to me. Thursday was likely another one of those any other days. I remember seeing Brooke briefly one night via messenger. I had dreams also… I think Kyle appeared in one. I cannot recall if Brooke or Denise had.

Friday I spent on the page and collecting information, analyzing and organizing things for it. I read up on Genji Monogatari, Kaoru Udaisho, and the usage of Kimi, Japanese education systems and meanings to certain words. Other research comprised of analysis of names, signs, mathematics and looking into other characters again. I really should have stated sources, but I had gone to so many pages and read up on many things of no importance the ones that gave valuable information is lost to my recollections as well as my tries to retrace my steps.

Around two, my brother asked if I would go to San Antonio with him and my mother. I consented. We left and I had not slept for a good long time, perhaps a day or so, thus I took a brief slumber while in the car. We only ended up eating there, but hey, it got me out of the house. When we returned I hit the bed since the lack of sleep was finally getting to me. I seemed to not be feeling well ever since then. Saturday was spent in bed for the most part. Sunday was the same.

I think I have some sort of stomach virus.

Well, that is all I am going to write. I really lack the mood and even though I only woke up about four hours ago, I ate just an hour ago and am feeling rather sick again…

Oh, and my father is coming down on Thursday.

~ The Vampire Sheep Who Feels Under the Weather


I spent my day researching again. I had stayed up all night last night and looked about on information of an old story comprised of three volumes, perhaps even four due to translated copies for other countries. To my demise, it has never reached America, thus it is quite difficult. It is hard even to find it second handed. It came out in the seventies though, so that adds on to my hard search. Foreign and from the seventies – boy I am interested in the hard to obtain things. Nevertheless, I always have found searching a hobby.

To my happiness, I found episodes based on the story. It is comprised of thirty-nine. I was able to find subtitled versions of the last four episodes, which you cannot even buy from English subbing distributors. I mainly cared for the ending, thus there is content.

Heh. I am becoming more feminine it seems. This observation is due to my easiness to succumb to tears when moved. Well, not tears, but watery eyes. It is a beautiful feeling.

Along with that, I have also discovered that I am easily inspired. Whenever I read, watch or endure something that pulls at my heartstrings… I have a joy that fills my heart and I feel wonderfully content as though on a natural high. I experienced that today often.

One of the reasons to my high was reading something Kyle wrote in his journal. He seemed happy. In fact, the way he talked actually reminded me of how I was before the move…. Hope for the future and peace with the past. I laugh when the thought stops abruptly when I think of how he was the very person who shattered that for a while and caused me to be fearful and wish to hide again.

There is additional information as well… due to recent events he had undergone something perhaps similar to what I went through before my transition – two days of pain due to relations with another. I do not think we went in the same order though, cycle wise. Seeing such causes me to wonder if human life really is so easily ordered… then again, I will just blame it on my old connection theory.

For transition, my thoughts soon drifted to Denise, a good friend of my younger years. She had been absent from my life for some years and before that absence, there had been tension. In the few conversations we have shared since after my move… I found a swelling pride fill my chest from how much she had grown up. Yes, I sound like an old person, but… I suppose I always have been such a way.

Intellectually and observatory abilities had been high in my share… or so people tell me for some odd reason. I however was quite suppressed in maturing emotionally. Either way, I always had felt old when around my friends, minus Kyle, I suppose. With Brooke and Denise, I felt like a parent with two quarreling kids. Trying, annoying, fun and memorable it was, nevertheless.

When I think of such things, I remember my dreams from the past. I am not certain if I ever really had outlandish ones when younger… Perhaps as a fanciful elementary child, I had such dreams, but I cannot remember that far.

My first one was to keep my closest of friends past schooling years. I found that improbable, however. People move on and lose contact. Well, those who had impacted my life the most, which means few, are still in contact with me. Not all are, but some are. So far, that dream seems to be carrying out. Here is hope for its future.

The second was to find someone I could connect with deeply and be able to keep the friendship going. It is a half and half I suppose when thinking on it amusedly. I have found those in transitioning periods of my life. We never did stay remarkably close as we had in the beginning, but we still know the other is there and there is a quiet understanding that I believe will always linger.

One that has been held deep in my heart though would be to find someone to share my life with… to live my life with and live his or hers with. To be frank, I am not talking about a lover or whatever such nonsense. Okay, it is not drivel, I suppose, but it is not a priority high on my list. I do not know if it ever will be either.

I remember my friends ask about dating. I remember seeing them dating. I remember hearing about them dating. I know who had sex and what period of his or her life it has been. I remember witnessing heartaches, anger and highs. I consider love a beautiful thing. It can be painful, but it is truly a beautiful thing. I just never cared to look for the sort I see others look for.

I have never cared about dating, for sex or to find someone to wed/bond with. I will never quite understand why though. I muse sometimes if it is because I am so used to being one who lives in a sort of solitude. A “sort” because I do not feel lonely. Perhaps I did when younger, but… something about growing up, listening, watching and experiencing… I am content.

I have been living down here for just a month and a half from what I surmise. I live in a structure that lacks structure and can do it with no worries since I am in this world and not the outside world. I suppose I always will be one to lack awareness of the outside. I am quite… misplaced beyond my private ways. Despite that, I have become utterly content now.

From around sixth grade until my ending of my second college semester I had always been stressed, tired, worried and perhaps unhappy. I found my joys, as I have only simple needs for pleasure, on occasion to occasion… The ups and downs, the whole shah-bang. After moving, though… I smile at the thought of how I am now.

I am told my brow has ceased knotting and I smile more… that I truly look happy. Truthfully, I am. I can actually say that I am happy… and for once, it does not bother me. That only makes me smile more. I have the simple life that perhaps has always been a dream I held since even a kindergartener. Yes, even back then I lacked the simplicity and calmness I possess now.

I had panic attacks back in my elementary years… perhaps even as far back as to first grade. I had always handled stress terribly and often would be discouraged, I believe. I always have a fondness for joking that my sister is to blame nowadays when perhaps five years earlier from this day I would has sobbed it out with deep meaning and pain. I had three years of emotional hell in middle school and began cutting along with breaking down. I found out then what panic attacks were and those were what I had suffered from often since young age. High school was the final layer of the cake. I had more breakdowns, deeper cutting, and despair with the wish to die when at my bleakest of moments…

Now I am here.

I thought earlier, when tending to the laundry that I felt a soft gratefulness that Kyle had called that night those few years ago. I never would have found this feeling… Heh, I never would have met Eileen or Erin either. I cannot help but find that amusing.

Either way, it is tonight I remembered that dream of living a simple life. I had forgotten it apparently. It came to me though when I was coming back to this very room before I started typing this. I do not remember who I had told the dream to, for I know I told someone, but it was a beautiful vision…

A languid day, the house is shadowy, in a calming way. The setting sun’s rays cascade delicately through the windows. I am sitting on a kitchen table and gaze outside. I am at peace… and it is beautiful.

I stepped outside earlier in the day… perhaps near the lunch hour and sat down in a chair under the “patio” that leads to the small yard. I was merely letting the dog out, but decided to rest there since he usually wants back in when I am in the opposite side of the house. I lounged there for some minutes and found myself singing. It reminded me of childhood.

As said, I am the type who keeps to oneself. When younger I just needed a swing and I would be content. I remember spending all recess swinging and singing to myself. It never occurred to me that those playing below could hear me as I sang my heart out. Simply put, it really ruffled me one day when a boy sat down in a swing beside me and told me to sing. I chuckle at that.

I think… I think I am somewhat reverting. I am becoming simpler. I just wonder how long this will last…

… and that of course reminds me of a song that could perhaps be called my theme.

…’Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again…


The feeling I received from that seems to be with me now… and it is wonderful.

Oh… and I need a haircut.

~The Vampire Sheep Who is One with the Duck

My back hurts…

I saw Kyle on Sunday night. It was good to see him after a long absence of his presence. In truth, I thought he possibly forgot about me… going down different paths and all of that wonderful stuff. Soon enough after he departed I believe I found the reason. I found it… typical. I think I have gotten down my real life friendships to a T. They all wind up the same it seems. Oh well. I suppose I am wryly amused.

The girls have been absent for a while… since Thursday perhaps. I cannot be certain. Time is not something I do well with keeping track of. I have thought of them though. I think that is why I become so deep about my friendships… “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I think that is rather true.

I had times I had hopes one would show up, but as expected, neither showed. Knowing the time span of now, I would guess they are studying like mad for their SATs. I wish them luck. I hope that when they return they will be relaxed. I have done things, hence my hopes of seeing them.

I did a drawing for them to see. It is of characters from the mentioned story, my very first one, I bring up from time to time. I do not draw one particular character much, despite how much I like him. Well, now he has a cameo and it is of one of the scenes I had written. Despite there is no shading and it is not my best of coloring via computer… I rather like it. I hope they do as well.

Other than that, I have been piddling about with animation stills I find on the net. I have a thing for editing and doctoring pictures nowadays. I am often pleased because it tends to make the picture easier on the eyes and gives me a sense of – oh, my god I am actually going to write it – pride.

Oh yeah. I cut two inches of my hair off and ended up taking a small chunk of skin from my left hand’s knuckle. I cut too far. Joy. It did not hurt; it just merely bled too much. Either way, my hair is back to being right at my shoulders instead of past them. I am considering chopping the back off and go back to having short hair. I miss feeling the short locks in the back.

Additional things done so far would be working on the most recent of my stories. I finally managed out an ending. I rather like it. I hope the girls are not disappointed when they read it though. Then there is the editing of other writings. My first story, also known as “the story that is finished and yet never will be” was fooled with a bit along with a side story that is an alternate universe but with the same characters.

My mother returned on Sunday as well. I mainly slept all day for reasons unknown to me. Sigh… I really have my doubts about being able to cope in the world outside the one I live in now. I am utterly erratic in how I function. I have no real schedule at all. How will that do in an outside world that is of structure?

To go along with that issue, I likely will have much stress that I will not be able to manage properly. I predict that since the main reason I have no stress to send me over the edge is because I am in this sheltered world, as said. By god, I remember how I was just in school. I was that screwed up over school, how will I be in the real world? Even more so, I do not just have stress management issues, I also have issues with phones and driving. How delightful.

Oh well.

It is now eight thirty in the morning. I have spent another all-nighter. Joy. In addition, my mom’s perfume is out to kill my eyes.

~ The Vampire Sheep Who is One with the Duck

Sighing Galore…

Well, I met my new psychiatrist on Friday. She was nice. She kept trying to make me think about my future and kept talking about college, much to my demise. I never liked school and likely never will. I only managed to get out of high school due to obligation. I hate it, I am sorry. Like my brother who works instead of going to college, I found school abhorring.

Well, the week started out not in my favor due to Tom coming to my doorstep, but oh well. Along with that, my girls have been busy again due to B-days that run rapid all through summer it seems. The rest of the week is a bit of a blur like last time. Then again, it is mainly because I was in a bored mood and did those sorts of things that are pointless beyond end.

The things were editing pictures of cartoon characters that were done utterly unfavorably to the point I just had to make them more presentable. I like editing pictures I have found. I suppose I mainly work on those sorts now because my other editing project is put on hold since it goes hand in hand with a scanlator. If that person does not scanlate it, I cannot retranslate and edit the quality of the presentation.

The other segment to preoccupy was spent on adding to a profile, statistic page I started a while ago. Along with that, I also fooled a bit with that story that is finished and yet never will be. Other text concerned distractions dealt with a list of comparisons of characters from a show on whom is most like who. Fun times.

The last thing I did was writing an essay the other night due to racing thoughts in my head. They started when I was cleaning. It more or less was about judging. I had another odd occurrence when I was on Friday while vacuuming. I had a lullaby stuck in my head and I realized just how creepy it was. It was that Mocking bird song. Really, sing it softly while doing something normal… it starts to sound just wrong… like only a psycho would sing it for no reason.


Well, after meeting my new shrink, and I say shrink in a well-meaning way dammit, I returned home and my mom went back to work. By five, I fell asleep. My mother returned home around eight, which is undeniably late for her, but considering we spent some hours of her schedule elsewhere, it is understandable.

We talked a bit. It seems she had a good day despite tiring. She had woken up exhausted but with how her day went, she was energized. Why? Good comments via email from various people, even a board of director. She never received such praises at her old job and a woman noted she could become a counselor now that the job was opened, but my mom decided to stay as she has been doing. I am happy for her.

We left the house around eight thirty to go grocery shopping. Before that though, we stopped at Wendy’s to get a quick bite to eat. We had a fairly lighter basket this time around, which pleased us… However, we did not stay under or at one hundred dollars. We assumed the extra frozen dinners my mother bought to take in for her lunch was the culprit.

We came home tired only to find my mother’s ass of a dog had gone through the trash, made a mess of the kitchen floor and the carpet floor of my mom’s bedroom. I wanted to hurt him terribly, but I never would if I am not wrong. Well, my mom worked on re-trashing the trash while I hauled in the groceries and put them up. I then vacuumed the effected area as well as swept the floor. I then sprayed the stained areas with Clorox and wiped it up.


My poor brother has been working over time and is likely becoming worn to the bone. I cannot do much, but I made his bed today so he would not have to do it when he comes home tonight. He apparently slept on the couch and my mother’s bedroom either last night or just through the day. He had taken his beddings off and placed them in the laundry room to be washed, thus I made sure I had those finished by tonight.

I have rested a short moment, drank a can of root beer in gulps and have gained back my energy whilst typing this. I suppose I will dust now. I never am in the mood to dust during the daylight hours for some reason. After that, a nice cold shower will suffice for my tiresome afternoon.

My mom and brother are going for a one day stay at my “elder brother’s home”. My mom would have rather stayed here, but she went out of obligations to her cats. My brother just went to leave town I would assume. Either way, this will be my third time of keeping watch over the house alone. I’ll say this much, I’m better at my paranioa now.

I suppose that is all.

~ The Vampire Sheep Who is One with the Duck

Because God Said So…

I was in the shower tonight after dusting the house. Yeah, yeah, midnight and I am dusting. I, being flighty in thoughts, was thinking about the fairy tale Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, odd thought.

It started out with how it was sad that the only animated version that had really put effort in getting the story recognized was almost nothing like the actual fable. Come on! It lost the moral! The moral was to not judge before you know. The Disney version gave off the idea for girls to go after mean and tough guys and that she will be able to change him into a sweet and caring guy. That usually leads to abusive relationships Disney, good job. The thought carried on though. The real story, about how one can easily judge before knowing, learning and the like.

Anyway, I started thinking about high school – yeah, flighty – even though I missed half of the “regular” high school settings. Want to know what I remembered most? Discrimination. Sad, but that was what I thought of. The biggest things that shot through my mind glaringly were sexual orientation and religion. It is amazing how the two coincide in arguments in school and out.

These days, homosexuality is really noted. It is no longer hush-hush. You see (idiot) TV shows about it, movies with it, see people rally in support or oppose it, and politicians use it. What always would grate my nerves was how people would use “gay” or “fag” so offhandedly now. Back when I was in middle school, it did not happen in such a way. When you said it, it was intentional and hurtful and could really “ruin” your reputation. Mainly it was irritating. I would know.

That led to the idea of tolerance. I am not saying change. I say tolerate. People are stubborn and egotistical creatures no matter what they say. Perhaps it is mainly America though. Back to the homosexuality, there is little to no tolerance. There is acceptance or opposition. There is no gray area.

Where I lived my childhood to adolescent years, homosexuality is utter sin! Heaven forbid! In comes religion. The town was highly religious and mainly Baptist. I have nothing wrong with Christianity. I just have a problem with most of the Christians I have met. Why is that? “Because God said so.” That phrase is a weak argument, no offense, but it is. People say that, but have no other argument to back him or her up other than that he or she just “does not agree” or “thinks it is wrong”.

Well, if that is all a person has to argue with, he or she is plain ignorant in my book – not stupid, but ignorant. If you know nothing about the topic, then keep your mouth shut. The phrase “walk in another man’s shoes” comes to mind. I admit, I have not encountered as much discrimination in terms of sexuality, but I have had my share. How I know about it is due to my race and by being something of an outcast.

That is the thing about discrimination; it is always about the outcast. The Holocaust was mainly about the Germans trying to redeem themselves and getting out of their debt and such, but much of it was done using discrimination – a superior race. It is just like that today, but is not so “apparent”, if you ask me.

In a history class, year 1969, in Palo Alto, California, had an incident regarding discrimination due to an experiment concerning the Holocaust. People think such things cannot happen today, not here in America… well, it does. Thing is, people turn the other cheek even if he or she knows it is wrong. Others are the ones who do the discrimination. Then there are those who try to fight against it.

Holocaust, why did not anyone do anything or say anything? How could such a terrible thing have gone on when people knew it was happening? Usually the person is afraid, he or she turns the other cheek, or is caught up in the belief. People will silence people. Some will think it is out of right reasons, but… they can be of utterly wrong ones.

Another example is the Salem Witch Trials. They started out from discrimination. They also started out with those who were outcasts. If I were of that time, I would likely have been the first to be called a witch. The ones targeted at first were women who could heal with remedies. They were perhaps considered odd or were loners. Some might have talked to his or herself. Either way, if you were eccentric, you could easily become a target.

It has occurred in America ever since the beginning to now. Women, races that were not English, et cetera were all suppressed or discriminated against. Civil rights, Women’s Rights, end of segregation, the right to vote and many other changes had occurred slowly and had fought hard battles. There is still fighting. Not only for those cases though.

There is the noted Pearl Harbor case. Japanese were suddenly enemies, even those born in the United States. They were put into camps. It was not as bad as the Holocaust, but it was still something of the same principle.

Nowadays, there are still religion wars. It is not as bad as the Crusades where people were impaled for a “righteous cause”, but there still are arguments. America is said to be the land of the free. I suppose it is, but there is still lack of tolerance. It is said that you can practice any religion. That is true, but there is still discrimination.

America is mainly Christian. In fact, most would likely see America to be Christian. Most of the people expect you to be Christian. It is hilarious though. People escaped England to go to America to practice their religion freely. Well, now it is somewhat the same as it was back in England many years ago. Sure, you are not put in prison for it, but there are people who will go against someone not of the “right” religion.

With different beliefs in religion, there is violence. People will shove his or her beliefs down your throat. People will decide what is right and wrong based upon their beliefs. They determine their own sense of justice. When one convinced that he or she is right, the person will want to impose his or her convictions upon others, perhaps trying to do the world a favor.

Those are well meaning intentions, I am sure, but they make America just like the past England. I recall my eighth grade Spanish class. We were discussing Catholicism. As said, the place I lived in is mainly Baptist. In the end, the teacher asked for what religion people followed. In the end everyone but me raised hands on Baptist, but you could not simply count to tell that everyone had. I lacked raising my hand since I never was Baptist and by then I was not really of Christian beliefs. When she asked if anyone was Catholic, I was going to just sit there. No one raised their hands.

Well, me being me… that really irked me. “Sheep,” was the word I thought, actually. In the end, after there was a long silence and the teacher was surprised that “everyone” was Baptist, I raised my hand. I was raised in a Catholic family, even though it is mainly just my mom. She is the only one who goes to church and the like, but she is very accepting to others beliefs and choices. Much to my surprise, I even remembered things about the Catholic ways. The crossing of the heart – The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost thing, I never realized that was only Catholic. I did not know that going to Mass was a “weird” term to those who were Baptists. What I did know though, was that every kid in that class thought such acts were weird or stupid. It made me proud for raising my hand.

Voicing one’s belief is fine. Telling others that he or she is wrong because the person’s belief system is not like yours is not fine. That is what is so irritating. When someone tries to condemn others who do not believe exactly what he or she thinks they should is just annoying.

That is not the entire point of this though. So far, this is all along the lines of groups and that is just stereotyping then. No, this goes deeper to individuality. I am not bashing Christians or those who are not gay. By god, I know those who are on the other side are just as bad.

An example would be some guys in my life. One of my brothers, for example, is very opinionated. He preaches and he will shove his beliefs down your throat. He can make a Christian feel bad, frustrated, irritated or angry… even someone who is not a Christian… pretty much anyone who is under a religion goes under the category. His views are fine by me, I am not very religious myself… but having him shove it down throats is irksome.

Another example deals with homosexuality. I have encountered my share of people on the net and real life who are just as bad as the people who put them down. Some are showy, exhibitionists and can be just as callous. I have seen those who feel they have to prove something. What is up with those of homosexual relationships who feel like they must make out in front of others? It is just as annoying and tacky as a heterosexual couple doing it in public as well.

As stated before, I am against how words like “gay”, “fag”, and “queer” are used so freely in schools nowadays and teachers will allow it. Despite that, I am still against certain homosexual people. I have met my share of those who think they are better than me because he or she is of a sexual orientation different from me.

I have even endured assholes that were the opposite sex, but homosexual, who badmouthed my body because I was not the same sex as him. Sorry you are not into my body’s formation, but do not be that way towards those who cannot help being a certain sex. That is being hypocritical really. He complains about how people say that homosexuality is a choice and not what a person is born as. Well, my case is, I was born a certain way without a choice either.

The main point of this long-winded essay is that people judge before even knowing. This is not simply about religion, sexuality, or other debatable subjects of similar flare. This is about judging people not as a whole, but as an individual. Labels, stereotypes, groupings, cults… If one is like that, all under that particular thing is like that. I am sorry, but that is bull. All sides are different. All people are different. People make up these different groups.

Therefore, do not stereotype. Do not assume. Do your research before making a decision – no not simply research on your side, but also on the other man’s side. Do not be ignorant. Sad thing is though, that is the human race for you… or maybe it is mainly America. (You do notice the stereotype there, right? Ha!)

~ The Vampire Sheep has spoken.


I cannot remember much of this week. It is a blur. My dad left on Tuesday morning and I was asleep most of the day. My sleeping is still erratic and my girls are online more. That makes me happy. There is a chance that I have a small patch of psoriasis on my arm, but I deny it in hopes it is not true. My mom thinks it is though. Meh.

I have not really been doing anything worth mentioning, not like I really do anyway, but oh well. I am almost done with the story, I know the ending, and boy, it is a pathetic one, but what do I care? I just cannot write out the last paragraph… It will not click together yet.

I heard Neko’s voice perfectly over an email she sent, which made me giddy and the like. I also drew some this week… No details though, I am tired or just lazy. All that is left to say is that I went to Fredericksburg today. We ate at a German styled restaurant and I was in taste bud heaven over the German Potato Salad. We walked around, but all the shops were closing due to our late arrival. For some silly reason my mother and brother let me sleep in. It is their fault.

Well, that is all. I am not in the mood.

~ The Vampire Sheep

It has become unhinged…

Sigh. Well, tomorrow my father shall depart in the morning along with my brother. It has been a nice time. I have lost oodles of sleep however. Oh well, it was for a good cause. As known, I am a vampire sheep; I still undergo my late hours and have been receiving less sleep than usual since I try to be awake at least half of the daylight hours. Sigh.

Another thing out of my favor is keeping up with the house. It is undeniably hard considering that my brother occupies the living room, my parents are in another and my brother is next to my room. It is infuriating since I do most of my chores at night. It was even harder to accomplish when my sister was here, she left on Saturday for her own reasons… something about meeting her friends. I only learned because she used my room to be able to talk in private during the late hours of the night.

My sister stayed for only two full days and about only half a day. That is, when you consider the time she spent here on the day she arrived and left. She took vacancy on a cot. It was nice. I know since I collapsed on it one point because of sleep deprivation.

She was amiable as things can be considered and kindly picked up a trinket for me whilst on her trip to Mexico. It is an elliptical shaped pillbox with, what I believe to be, a Paula shell top design. There was a moment of dispute between her and my father when he learned she intended to leave three days earlier than planned, but they calmed down fast enough.

I watched Saw for the heck of it one night and at one point, my father took my eldest brother, sister and me to Hastings. I looked for two films in particular, but had high doubts on finding them. I stood correct. I did get a video. It is not the best, but not the worst. I would likely watch it again for the heck of it. It was called Creepshow. How typical I am.

Anyway, I have been piddling more than usual. I do not mind, I just know I will drag my feet tomorrow once my dad and brother have left. I have not vacuumed for two days and have been neglecting other chores because of the amount of people and since I have been sleeping erratically again. My medicine taking is unbalanced as well. Yes… If I ever live outside this little world and on my own… I am rather screwed. That is depressing.

I did a bit of “redecorating” in concerns of my room. It is nothing noticeable, but I needed to do something with some objects. Despite that, I find my room less… appealing now. Sure, it is not a wreck, but it has definitely looked better. Then again, I am strangely fussy.

A remarkable thing is that I read a book after all this time. It was a rather good one too. My mother had given it to me before the move. I dallied about it. I have been in a slump about reading and have been having an odd thing for movies right now. The book was called The Wave. It was based on true events and it was bloody mad. Disturbing as well as depressing it was. Humans are sad creatures.

Other than that, I wrote more to the story I have been working on since June fourth. I do not know how to end it though. It may end in death; it may not. Death sounds very likely though. I just need an ending for now. Dabble that follows it is looking over my first story ever and making little changes along with doing silly art of the main characters.

Three were complete failures. Realism is not my forte. The second leading female looked much like Kirsten Dunst or something like that. The main character’s best friend ended up looking something like Brad Pitt. The freakiest thing of all though… the additional male character turned out looking like a well tanned, brown haired and brown eyed Michael Jackson! By god the nightmares!

I did a few others but they centered on the main character only. The first was a success and I am keeping it. It is only a mask though. She is under it though as you can see her eyes. The other few were… hmm. Well, I did doodles. Only one came out with the effect intended. The other two… No sir.

Lastly, I tried realism. The picture was turning out just wonderfully… until I penned it. I threw it away after I scanned it. It captured what I wanted it was just terribly presented. It is still presented quite poorly, but I find it acceptable. It is titled “Unpretty” – not a word, I know, but hey, I like it. The character is plain and not attractive physically. Well, I feel the particular picture showed it well. Thus, it is a success to some degree. Joy.

In addition, to ward off some boredom I sometimes endure at night, since I am restricted due to others sleeping, I recorded my voice as I read some clips of scenes I have written. I used to find my voice extremely embarrassing. I find it rather nice now. How sad… or is it conceited? Who knows?

I suppose that is all… other than my spending most of a day ago filling in holes to jeans I’ve had for about five years now with only a needle and thread. I have been working on a scanlation posted on a site by making it clearer, better translated in some areas and such. I have grown an interest in charms, like the ones you find on charm bracelets. I watched some fireworks with my mother tonight.

Sigh. I need sleep at some point.

~ The Vampire Sheep Who is One with the Duck… Quackers.