Blood and Water…

Well, since about the twelfth I’ve been suffering from allergies – something I am not used to. Also, since then I’ve been getting nose bleeds. They occurred every other day but soon enough I had them twice a day. Quite annoying… It worried my parents, of course. My mom made an appointment with our doctor on Wednesday and looked up on the net about allergies and nose bleeds. In result, I’m using something called Ayr. It seems to be helping.
Despite that I have been very tired as of late as well as sort of weak. My mom says it is likely the allergies. Meh. In result I’ve been sleeping more than I’d like as ironic as that is.
Another thing running is the tub’s faucet in the bathroom between my brother and my rooms. Since the house guests from earlier this month the faucet has slowly evolved from a drip to lightly flowage. I’m sure we have lost tons of water by now. My dad tried to fix it during the weekend, but his attempts were in vain. My parents finally called a professional who came in on Monday. In result, he will return Wednesday to go through the closet and replace things. Joy. My mom says insurance should cover it though. Here’s hoping for the best.
My sister has been silent and avoidant of my parents probably since the last time I’ve written of her whereabouts. She’s a dork. My parents have tried emailing and calling, but she’s being stubborn and rude. Apparently she made contact with my mom today through email. There were no greetings from what I gather. All she wrote was something about likely selling the clothes washer and dryer. Meh. She has no appreciation for Mom or Dad. Sigh…
Well… other than that, I have little else on my mind. Everything seems relatively normal other than the economy going down the drain and Atticus showing more physical signs of his tabby heritage. All that is left is schedule.
So… Wednesday… bathroom pipes and doctor appointment. Friday I’ll be going with my mom to get haircuts.

Tired and Stuff…

Well, after brother only spent one night here, people near Houston call up and ask if they can stay here with us over the weekend as evacuees. So… for the weekend we had a husband, wife and three dogs come to stay. My parents knew the husband back 15 years ago. My mom was not pleased. My dad became very stressed over their coming. My brother slept over at some acquaintance’s house. I slept a lot during the day and didn’t see them much. They left on Sunday.
My mom stayed home Monday to recuperate and get the usual things she’d get done on the weekend accomplished. I was still adjusting as well. Extra energies in the house seem to affect me – drain out my energy. I slept a lot of the day but tried to get my chores done when awake.
I helped my mom make up her bed and somewhere in that she mentioned about a school counselor I often saw or hid out with. He apparently once asked her if I might have been sexually assault/raped. That surprised me. I never thought he had such an inkling. I responded similar to when Shred once asked me flat out. There was a slightest of pause, what I felt was a straight face and then a flat out no.
It seems when the counselor asked that she began to question about my brothers’ friends who would come over often and even of the foster kid they took in who were even older than them. I told her I don’t remember that far back. There was mentioning of suppressed memory and I said flatly, if so I don’t want to remember them. I did more chores – I think laundry – after that.
Sometime later my mother talked to me around morning time and somehow we got to talking about my “art”… oh, right. She was talking about imaginations. How she grew up when little she was very much into her own world, being a lone child in the country side. She spoke about my imagination and I told her the same thing I told Shred about my belief in my lack of.
Well, at some point I told her I’d pull my collection out. Some point she started telling me what she saw. She said characters usually have a sad, angry expression. There is a lot of distance. Some look vacant. Even drawings of couples have a distance or reservations. Stuff. She said there was a… sexuality? …sensuality? Well, it was one of those to them. In the end I told her that she made my drawings depressing to me, which they never had been.
My moms spoke of making something out of them. Pretty much she has ideas of me showing them off and making limited edition prints. This talk has come up before. Since I lack aspirations and usually most interests, I just eye and wonder why. She speaks of financial things and such… that has never clicked with me either.
She then asked if I minded if she sought out of a person she knew who could tell us whether my art amounted to anything of such level since she wasn’t an art guru and I just never cared to know. I told her I doubted it would be sell-worthy but agreed. After that I collapsed for some hours.
Upon waking up, my mom decided to meet with the woman. She works at a frame shop. Well, she was off picking up kids from school so we waited some minutes. I was still out of it so wasn’t quite there.
Well, she arrives, my mom says we and I tell her it is all her and leave me out of it. They look, they talk, and I don’t remember much other than making dry comments here and there. The woman spoke of art classes, her 18 year old daughter who drew a lot and such. She spoke of anime as well.
Um… in the end, she said something along the lines of I had ability, my art was distinctive, something about good instinct on position to indicate movement and whatever. I asked about her daughter a bit, what she was like and such because the woman said her daughter and I were similar in our art styles I think. Her daughter was also on DA. She couldn’t remember her handle though. Oh well.
So my mom buys a print she saw, it was of a black Labrador and I mentioned if we didn’t hang it up now, maybe she should use it as a Christmas gift for dad since he is impossible to buy anything for. She apparently agreed with my idea and asked me to hide it in my room until then.
After that I vacuumed before I ended up collapsing again. My mom cleaned her bathroom and then my dad came home. The evening went on as usual after that and remarkably I managed to stay awake until around eight.
I went to bed and awoke again around 11 and managed to haul myself up again thirty minutes later. Here I am. Bleh.


1. First thing you wash in the shower?
It varies. Sometimes hair, sometimes body.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
I only have one that I wear almost all the time. Grey.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Be more specific.

4. Do you plan outfits?
All my clothes are the same except in different colors.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Semi tired and my throat is uncomfortable due to allergies.

Where’s number six?

7. Who was the last person you kissed?
Be more specific.

8. Person before that?
No idea really, I don’t kiss much.

10. What are you craving right now?
Diet coke.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?

12. Do you make prank calls?
I never had interest in such things.

13. Ever hooked up with some one out of state?

14. Do you sleep with any stuff animals?
I sleep with a live animal – cat.

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
Never heard it.

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
I don’t think so.

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I use my lips to bite? My front teeth are sensitive.

18. Do you like anyone right now?
Be more specific.

19. What do you think of crickets?
They chirp.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
I hope not.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Not really.

22. What are you listening to right now?
Music; The Rasmus – Not Like the Other Girls

25. Would you go sky diving?
Hell no.

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
That is too juvenile for me even when I was a kid.

28. Is there anything sparkly on you?
Hell no.

30. Do you rent movies often?

31. Who sits behind you in your math class?
I rarely remember names. However, in the math class I was in for a whole year, no one did. I was in the back.

34. Can you count backwards from 74?

35. Who are you going to be with tonight??
My computer?

36. Brown or white egg?
As long as I don’t have to eat either…

38. Ever been on a train?
Doubt it.

39. Ever told someone you loved them?
Awkwardly in all accounts.

40. Do you have a cell phone?
I hate those things.

41. Are you a virgin?
And I hope to stay one.

42. Any kids?
We’d traumatize each other. Besides, I doubt I’d ever be “eligible” to adopt.

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Best friend?

44. Ever had cream puffs?
I don’t think so.

45. Ever had Breaded Shrimp?
I hate shrimp.

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Most of it.

47. What was the last question you asked?

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Likely a Fuel CD.

49. What is/was your bus number for school?
Man… that was when I was in elementary school. 41 and 29 if I’m not mistaken. The 9 could have been 19 though.

51. Is your hair curly?
No, but its thickness does cause a cowlick.

52. Last time you cried?
When my cat died this spring.

53. Ever walked into a wall?

54. Ever walked UP a wall?

55. Have you ever bought anything from PacSun?

56. Favorite time of the year?
When it isn’t too hot or too cold.

57. What’s your favorite number?
7 or 13.

58. Favorite colours?
Black, Blue, Green and Silver.

59. Do you have any piercings?
Ears but one has a lot of scar tissue so no wearing any on that ear.

60. Do you have any tattoos?
With how my skin is, it would likely get infected, scab over and leave a scar.

61.Who was the last person you held hands with?
I can’t remember. I was likely a little kid.

62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
I did when younger.

63. Where was your default picture taken at?
I don’t believe I have one.

64. Why was your default picture taken?
I don’t even know what that is, punk.

65. Do you like your life right now?
Yeah. I wish my parents’ lives were better though.

66. How do you feel about ‘love’?
Family love is fine. Friendship love is fine. Other than that.. too damn complicated and stressful.

67. What is your favorite animal?
Tigers and domestic cats.

69. Do you have good vision?
Nope. Glasses almost all my life.

70. Can you hula hoop?
I don’t know if I ever have.

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Depends on the reason.

72. Do you have a job?
Disabled mentally and emotionally to hold one.

74. What are you wearing?
Glasses, tank, jeans, intimates and steel ring.

75. What does your hair look like?
Dark brown/Black, short and thick.

76. Ever climbed out a window?
I don’t remember.

77. Can you handle the truth?
I usually demand it.

78. What was the most recent thing you bought?

79. How often do you talk on the phone?
I hate phones.

80. What’s the longest you talked to someone on the phone?

81. Do you hate/dislike more than 3 people?
I did before pills.

83. Are you sarcastic?

84. Have you ever slapped someone?
Does playfully smacking someone upside the head count?

85. Do looks matter?
In this world, usually.

86. Do you use chapstick?
I never remember to.

87. Are you too forgiving?

88. Do you own something from Hot Topic?

89. Do you own a gun?
I own some swords and a dagger.

90. Where are you located?
In front of my computer.

91. Have you ever been in a castle?
Doubt it.

92. Do you like your hair?
For the most part.

93. Do you like yourself?
I’m content.

95. question deleted.

96. When was the last time you talked on aim?
7th grade?

97. Random statement:

99. What are you doing today?
I rarely have plans.

100. Tag.
Usually sticks outside my shirt.

Money Makes the World Go ‘Round…

Well, my brother came down to visit us on Labor Day weekend. My parents had to wire him money in order for him to do so however. It was pretty annoying on my view of things since my parents were already stressed out with money issues over my sister’s student loans. The details on that, I have no idea. So, my brother comes down and arrives around one AM on Friday I believe. The weekend is pretty normal. We were expecting my e-brother, but he never showed, but he didn’t show the weekend before that either, so I suppose it was no surprise. My poor parents…
Right. Well after my brother goes back up north he calls the next day or so and says hints that he isn’t sure about his job up there and other such things. So, my parents have to wire him money again so he can drive down here. He arrives home with his cat, a bag of clothes and a fan. He stayed for the rest of the week. Well, he is wishy-washy. He tells my parents that he might not mind living up north is he had a different job. That peeved my mom. I told her it was “Grass is Greener Syndrome”.
My mom told me I seemed to be the only stable one out of my siblings. I’ve heard her tell me that before and as usual I responded irony since I’m the medicated one who can’t hold a job.
Well, my brother stayed the rest of the week. What his decisions are as of late are a mystery and I’m pretty sure he isn’t too certain either. He is a very… impulsive person.
His cat is trying to settle in but it is taking a while since we have five other cats in the house and two dogs. Foreign territory, people he doesn’t remember and a house he doesn’t remember… sure, the cat has all reason to be leery.
Other than some disruption over him, things seem pretty much normal in the house. My dad and I got groceries on Saturday and I got a book in the mail and read all afternoon. Usual schedules were done and the day piddled by.
Sunday I woke up with a headache, so I did a few chores while my parents went to church and then crashed again. I’m odd about not taking over the counter pain/inflammatory killers until I’m desperate. So, I was in bed until about one.
I think I heard voices outside my door earlier, maybe noon, so I figured my e-brother and his girlfriend arrived a while ago. They did. They were in the living room watching TV. I entered, gave a slight wave of the hand and sat down. It was my e-brother’s b-day. I’m never much to comment on birthdays, thus nothing was really said.
The afternoon piddled by. After visiting for an hour I hid out in my room again and watched a movie. I left once more, piddled and eventually all of us had a family dinner.
My parents worked on a German-styled meal. There was rump roast cooked in… I don’t know what, with a gingersnap gravy/sauce. I of course avoided being the picky bastard that I am. There was also German potato salad that was mainly made for me. My dad got it along the lines of right this time. It was his best attempt so far so I am not leery of them as leftovers. Yay. There was side salad that I always avoid, corn and bread.
We talked, ate and my brother left the table in the middle of it once he finished – this is not uncommon. To my fortune I didn’t laugh as much or so hard this time around since I usually choke or my stomach hurts afterwards. Heh.
Soon after the meal was over, my e-brother and his girlfriend leave. My parents and I clean up, I do some laundry and eventually I collapse. Yeah, just a family dinner can exhaust me. No parties for me. Ha.
Well, I am awake now, woke up to a mosquito bite on my right eyelid actually… Sigh.
Um… this week some book shelves I ordered at the end of last month should likely come in. That makes me happy. I don’t have an expansive amount of books or anything, but if my slow progression of getting books continue… yeah. I need some shelves for them.
Other than that, I will go on a trip to get haircuts with my mom around the end of the month. I believe it will be the 26th.


I had another “escape” dream. Where I was, I cannot quite remember – it was likely a school again, but I wanted to get away. Shred was there. I went to the top of the building. He tried to get me to stop, but I kept running. The top of the building led to a glade or such. It was like spring or summer. Trees allowed sunlight to filter through them beautifully.
Shred managed to follow me. I took off. I saw people out in the grass, but paid no mind. I wasn’t going back even if it was Shred telling me to. I jumped and flew. He kept running after me.
Eventually I came to a somewhat void place and a bunch of people were there – people who were out to cause trouble. They didn’t look imposing to me, it was just a feeling. I cannot distinctly remember what went on other than me physically avoiding them and going no farther.
Shred eventually showed up, but he was far away, still on the ground while we were high above. He started climbing what looked to be a metal structure… it was yellow. Even on it, he wouldn’t get that far. He looked like an ant he was so far away. I looked again at the people blocking my way.
Something happened then and I looked back to Shred. I reached down as though the structure was a miniature – a toy. Where Shred was took place a strange bug. Most would likely have found it horrifying to look at, but I knew it was him and thus dismissed the appearance. I somehow knew the people in front of me did that to him and was outraged.
I believe I woke up after that before anything was solved/concluded.

A few days before this one, I had something somewhat similar go on in my dreams. It was of course an “escape” dream. I was at what I knew to be a school, likely a college. I looked about, there was a pool out back, I was once in a cafeteria-like place but it seemed more like a lounging/study hall area. I saw Jovan there as well as a few other familiar faces. Something urged me to leave. I wanted out. I wandered around, stumbled upon the pool again but only this time there were a bunch of students partying. Eventually I reach the front part of the school. I merely want to get to a place that is deserted there. I see a ledge and decide to jump – I always seem to be able to jump to the tops of buildings. Jovan had followed me and poked fun at me that I could have simply walked up as there was a sloping wall that led to it. Something ticked me off – the last straw as you will.
I couldn’t simply find peace by going to a high place, so I was leaving. Jovan refused to let me and went to get a teacher and students he and I knew to force me to stay there. I jumped into the air and flew.
They followed, searched for me and I avoided. Eventually I left town, flew higher and drifted to a strange land. It was mainly of African Americans… dressed in Little House on the Prairie times. Some of the women were as tall as sky scrapers… I saw one dancing with a man of average height. I paused and thought, I’ve been here before in previous dreams.
I carried on, and drifted to a more modern land. There was construction going on, I saw rust colored pipes on a high building, thought I had been there before again, passed it and eventually came to a bunch of skyways.
One looked like tracks to a roller coaster and I saw a short train riding on it. I observed life below me. Everyone was small and busy looking. I continued on my way, high in the sky and eventually woke up.

These two dreams are the first ones to combine my dreams of school, which usually deal with irritation and wanting to escape, and my flying dreams that mainly consist of simply drifting high above and seeing different lands as I observe the world below. I never thought to connect the two really.

The one where Jovan appears, I told my mom about it. I mused about it meaning I might have felt I didn’t belong in this world. After all, I feel pretty estranged to fellow humans anyway. In my dreams I usually feel at peace when flying. I love just drifting in them and watching the world below. In my dreams at a school or such usually just deal with me thinking, “Why am I here?”  That, or I am very irritated with someone or something bothering me and I lash out in some way or another. Sometimes I just flat out leave.
Oh well. I just thought I’d post these two.