Chicken Soup…

Well, my sister came down Thursday evening. We ate out due to that. We went to a Chinese restaurant all of us like – yet my brother hates. My parents had egg drop and my sister had a corn-based soup. I was in luck that night. They had chicken soup, so I ordered some. It was a bloody good meal as far as I was concerned.
The owner there, as my mom tells me, apparently likes me. She reminds me of the lady who cuts my hair. They both have heavy accents, so it is hard to tell what they are saying. Both are friendly and nice, though.
Well, the owner learned of my ulcer and mentioned she had had one when she was around my age. Similarly to me, hers came along to lack of eating. Unlike me, it was because her work allowed no time to eat and she thought it would help slim her up some. Mine is simply due to drinking water all the time because of my dry throat, which then leads to a full stomach despite not eating. Also, unlike me, she didn’t pay attention to hers, so it bothered her for a year.
She spoke of my sister’s soup of choice being bad for me. It was no loss; I rarely like the same foods as my sister. I had eggs, so I wasn’t interested in my parents’ selection either. The owner noted about chicken soup and crackers helping the stomach, so I was happy to know I could have the soup with no worries – and I do love their chicken noodle soup. From that my family talked about how to make it. Heh.
I tried a dumpling for the first time. My sister ordered some, but settled on the vegetable ones since I care little for meat. They were okay. There was an odd after taste though. My sister disliked them. I cannot say I was interested in eating them on my own choice.
Well after that we came home. It took a while to settle in and then my mom and I watched our usual TV programs. My sister tried watching some, but simply went to sleep.
I don’t remember much about the night after that other than that I had trouble sleeping and thus read a lot. I might have fallen to sleep around two. Well, I woke up at six-fifteen and took my Nexium. I woke up at seven-eighteen and ate breakfast. I kind of wished my dad would help me wake up closer to the dot rather than closer to the mid-hour. Sigh. Oh, well.
For the past week, I’ve been getting on the treadmill everyday rather than every other day. My ankle isn’t acting up, so I am relieved. Actually, this morning I managed to get to 3.5 mph for 1/8 a mile.
In all this, I’m gaining my old weight back. I lost weight after leaving school since I wasn’t zipping down the hallways. I lost muscle mass and thus lost about five to six pounds. Well, now that I am walking two miles every day I seem to be gaining that weight back. Well, at least I know the weight is only muscle, I guess.
The rest of the day was pretty much normal other than my sister being here. She woke up around nine. By then I got most of my chores done. I figured vacuuming wouldn’t be happening though. I never feel comfortable vacuuming when others are in the house for some reason.
She left around lunch time to pick up my dad. They got tacos. I ate some chicken soup the lady from the restaurant gave me the night before. Eventually Dad went back to work, my sister did her own thing and my brother stopped by to eat his own lunch. I meandered back to my room and read the rest of a story I had been working on for a day or so.
By one-thirty my mind needed a rest. At that time my mom came home, picked up my sister and gave her a tour of her work. I took a nap and woke up around four, right around the time they got back.
When five-fifteen hit, everyone was home and we went out for our Friday night dinner. We ate Mexican. It was good. My brother couldn’t join us though.
Well, after that, we came home. Mom wanted me to watch TV with her, so I obliged. My sister couldn’t get into it, so she left the room. Somewhere in the middle of our “session” she needed to go on her way. So, all of us left for the garage. We said goodbye. My sister hugged me. It still makes me uncomfortable.
Her first hug to me was when she left our house to go to college. I might have been in my junior year. That stunned me and I had gone very tense that day. Today, I just remember watching her hug my parents and thinking, “Is she going to hug me? I hope not…”
Nope. She did. It isn’t that I dislike my sister or anything… but it just feels utterly odd. It would be like me hugging my second brother. I like him too… but since the two of them and I never grew up hugging each other, it is bloody strange to me that my sister does that now. I think if my brother started doing such, my brain would shut down for a while.
Well, she left after that and we returned to our usual routine. Sadly for me, something happened. I was flossing my teeth when it was around eight. Like a time before, a part of one of my teeth popped out when the floss escaped. Sigh… So, I foresee a dentist appointment in the near future.
Nine o’clock, I left the room and did some chores. After that I retreated to my room and organized my bookshelves. I finally finished around twelve. Now I am here typing this.


My blood work came back. I have high-cholesterol. I’ve never had high cholesterol before. My only problem is trying to compute how this equation works. Before this I had a certain diet that I always had since little. I had that diet last year.
When I had my physical done my blood work said my cholesterol was fine. At that time I ate Ramen noodles, corn, small microwavable pizzas and on occasions fries (and sometimes spicy chicken sandwiches) from Wendy’s. Those were my main taboos. I mainly drank soda or canned tea. Later on a lot of water was added to that.
This year it says it is high. This year my diet is oatmeal for breakfast on cold days and cereal on warm days. At lunch I usually have a peanut butter sandwich, or at times a bacon sandwich with mozzarella. Both of those are on whole grain bread. At night I have a cup of whole grain pasta. Sometimes I have baked fries that only have a light coating of Pam to make them not stick to the pan when cooking. My splurge is two scoops of sugar-free vanilla ice cream. I only drink water now. In addition to my new diet I take a vitamin E and fish oil pill.
Before my only exercise were doing house chores. Now I walk two miles a day for forty minutes. Just recently I’m trying to do these walks daily.
I eat little meat and if I do it is lean. I get plenty of fiber from all the grains I eat. I don’t like sugary things much. I eat a handful of grapes each morning for extra fiber. I get calcium from lactose free milk from the cereal and ice cream.
Truthfully, I don’t know what I am doing wrong. In my past I did eat corn at times and had some tomato sauces here and there.
The only thing I lack is the walnuts or almonds and vegetables. At the moment my diet won’t allow vegetables. Even without them, I still don’t see how the hell I have high-cholesterol. Oi.

Baby Possums to Fake Clowns…

Well, my dentist appointment went well. Nothing new has appeared. Still, while going to the office, I saw a baby possum! It was near a wall. I was worried for it since it was in broad daylight, but my mom said I could do nothing for it. I told the dentist about it before we got started. The possum was no longer where I saw it though.
It seems there had been a mother possum who had a litter of about seven. Four were scooped up the first day and three others were found playing later. So, they will not be on the look out for the one I saw and hopefully look after it until it can go out into the wild.
It really reminded me of the few animals/creatures I have tried to save. It also reminded me of Peabody. Sigh.
The next day went pretty much the same way as usual. Since I got on MySpace, I looked up two people. I never knew them well, but I remember something good about them. I always wanted to thank them even though they likely never realized what they did would mean so much to me. They likely don’t remember me or what they did even.
Well, I sent them both messages to show my thanks. I rather hope to not get responses, but if it happens, it happens. Now there is only one other person under this category I’d like to write a thank you to. I just don’t know how to contact him. Sigh.
Friday was as normal a day as any other than that I was dead to the world most of it. I was tired. Why, I never know in this scenario. My body just said, “I don’t care if you slept last night, I want to sleep now.”
Saturday my dad forgot to wake me up at six to take my pill. I woke up on my own at 6:40. I wasn’t too pleased, but I was ready this time. I got up, got my pill and then got on the treadmill. ‘Took my shower after that and by then an hour has passed. I eat.
It seems that last time didn’t teach my dad a thing. He said, “Well, its Saturday. It’s okay. Just sleep in.”
Uh, no, Dad. This has nothing to do with sleep. This has to do with an ulcer in my stomach. I need that pill and I need to eat at seven. Just eating at seven means I haven’t eaten for eight hours. The longest I should really let “pass” is six. Eating at eight more or less means I haven’t eaten for nine hours. Damn it, I don’t want my ulcer acting up. I was screwed over due to blood tests and then because of the trip Mom and I took last weekend. I don’t need more things to screw me over. Jeez.
Well, I hit the bed again after that. I woke up around 11:30 and we left for the grocery store. We did that, got home, unpacked and I ate lunch by one. ‘Good thing I snacked on those crackers before we left. While it seems to have affected my stomach none, I did become freakishly dizzy from low blood sugar. Oi.
Later on my mom had some errands to run, so I went along since she wanted company. We stopped by a fabric store. We didn’t know it would be a circus in there – literally. Yes, we enter and circus music was playing. Some workers were dressed as clowns and a guy was dressed as a ring master.
My first thought was about those people with phobias. The clown one came to mind first. Then the crowd one came along. There was a lot of noise. I even thought of something I heard of about how restaurants don’t sing happy birthday or whatever their thing is to people unless asked to.
“They should have put a warning sign about there being clowns in here.” I concluded.
I wondered if anyone asked the workers to do tricks only to find they couldn’t. I also wondered if a hapless clown fearing person entered and suddenly turned white from fear. I shook my head. The music was annoying.
Well, despite the surroundings my mom tried to get what she needed. I mentioned my thoughts and I guess she feared I was getting anxious. She asked if I’d like to go back to the car. I declined. I actually do have a car phobia when it comes down to me turning one on. It was hot out, so for me to stay in the car to wait, I’d fry. I’d need to turn the A/C on or roll down the windows. Both required starting the car. I passed.
I was sent on some thread runs as my mom worked on looking for the right fabrics. How I made my way around reminded me of the hallways in school. I’d always be in a hurry. I don’t like crowds, I don’t like waiting in loud ones. So, like in my past, I darted, swerved, jumped and whatnot to get through it. I was happy to know I still have my touch.
I got the thread on my own, since the workers were too busy. It took me a while, but I found the evil thing. I returned to my mom. I think around that time I began to get a headache from the music. I followed my mother around since I already knew the place easily enough.
She sends me on another thread run. This one was annoying. She wanted cotton thread for machine quilting. It needed to go with certain purples because she intends to make a quilt for my sister. The signs weren’t as helpful. I finally find three different colors of thread, show it to her and find out it was polyester!
I growled and went back. I was directed to a certain brand. I picked out three kinds of colors since my mom wanted two. She looked through them and picked one. She wanted another one like it. She had said she wanted two. Not two that were of the same color! I growled again and went back to replace the others and grab one more.
My mom asked again about going to the car. I shook my head. I had my iPod with me, but that wouldn’t help. I’d have to turn it up loud to drown out the rest of the noise and that would just make my headache worse. So I stayed.
We finally get everything and go to checkout. It was around the end did my mom remember something else. Luckily for me she was tired of the place as well. We left.
My mother didn’t like it, I didn’t like it and I learned first hand on what the figurative phrase of “It was a circus in there!” meant. Now, sure, it was themed as one, but it was a costumed workplace and thus was like one. I figure a real circus would make me have a nervous breakdown.
Well, after that we went to a calmer place: Walgreen’s. My mom needed to pick up my ulcer medicine and something of hers. I meandered as she did such. In the end they screwed up my stuff again. She had to pay for it. She was very annoying. Later that night she said she suffered from “Walgreen’s PTSD”.
Well, we were both thirsty by then, so we stopped for drinks. We then headed to a different store that is only partially fabrics. She went in there to get the item she forgot and I rested in the car as I drank a strawberry smoothie. When that was done, we went home by five.
I settled myself on the outside porch and sang while swinging. Yeah, we have a bench swing. when I was very little I had a tendency to sing while swinging on a swing set during recess at school. I found it very relaxing and still do. I cannot sing that well anymore. I think it is due to my dry throat and who knows what else. Still, it is soothing. Fifteen to thirty minutes may have passed. After that I went into my room and my mom had gone to the gym.
She returned and we settled down to watch TV. Dad brought home some Chinese and I was very happy. I was craving fried rice since Thursday. The night ended as usual after that. I stayed up longer than usual though. I was fiddling with one of my pictures. I finished it earlier this month, but went back to it. I like it more now.
Sunday was pretty much the same. I did sleep ten minutes past the time my dad woke me up to eat my first meal of the day, but it was okay since I did take my Nexium on time. I eventually fell back to sleep sometime later and woke once more around twelve. I spent my day mainly in my room, left to eat lunch and do a few chores. Though yeah, mainly I was just in my room.
Around five thirty I meandered out due to hunger. By six, dinner was ready. I was grateful. I had garlic mash potatoes since I can’t have lasagna. Man, I miss tomato sauces. Sigh. After that the night went on as usual.
While Mom and I got ready to retreat to our rooms for the night, I saw how ratty her dog looked. Yeah, he was given a bath that afternoon, but it dried terribly. I grabbed a brush and began working on it. I managed to tame one side of his body down and my mom got in a few brushes before I mentioned she should go to bed.
I stayed and worked on him longer. I am not a dog person, but I don’t hate dogs. It must have been pretty strange for him to have me “pampering” him. I found it pretty odd myself. Ah, my issues with certain “untidy” things. He looked like a mess, I had to fix it. Heh.
By 9:30 I decided to quit. Now I am here finishing this. Next month I have the “haircut expedition” coming up on the 8th and a doctor’s appointment on the 19th.

Sides of the Glass…

Heh… Well, I joined MySpace a while ago. I only bothered with contacting three people. I got a response from one. She is doing well; I admitted I knew about all the things she relayed to me because I was aware of her page for quite some time now.
Tonight, another girl I contacted sent me a message. She asked me how I was, where I was and what is up. I told her in simplest forms. She told me where she lived and asked about us meeting someday. I told her my position on that. I also admitted a fault of mine – I’m boring as hell and would suck as a host.
She responded about talking on the phone and left me her number. That rather put me at loss. It was a semi-helpless, semi-sad sort of loss. I replied. I spoke more of my bad points and explained my leeriness of using the phone. After sending that message I came here to write it down.
Heh… Fuel’s “Bittersweet” just now ended. How suiting that is.
Anyway, all of this just reminds me of my awkwardness. Before her response, I had thought about my three friends from my childhood. I thought of how they grew up and what sort of people they are now. I thought to myself,
“They all seem to have grown up and chose similar paths. It seems I was the misfit out of them.”
It is true. All of them are normal. That in turn reminded me of my endless story. I never tried to make my character like me, but looking back… she really is. I could not help but see the scene I wrote.

“Still though, she felt isolated despite physically she was not. Everyone she knew… their lives seemed so strange to her. They were beautiful even though the people who lived such existences found their lives to be mundane and boring.
Her gaze softened. She envied them. She never did quite feel human before, but living with people… “Normal” was so depressing for her at times. Their problems, fears, aspirations, dreams, recollections, identities… She doubted any of her friends realized that. She also had trouble at labeling people friends. That was foreign to her as well…”

That feeling is present. It is somewhat sad, wistful, calm and almost numbing. It is the same feeling the song “Bittersweet” gives me. It is the feeling of looking outside from inside. The only thing that separates is a pane of glass.
I wonder if I just create a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wonder if I just keep myself away from others because of self-imposed beliefs. Then there is the “experience”, however. There is the logic.
When looking at how our conversation was going, I thought, “I just wanted to know that you are alright.” I seem to be that way with all my past relationships. Looking at it, it seems I obviously care for those who have touched my life, but I feel I will never fit in there physically.
A Watcher.
I remember using that phrase back in late middle school. I might have been fourteen. That is the word I used to describe how I felt. I would look after and love from afar… because I just couldn’t up close. I couldn’t function in the world of those I cared for.
The bad points I admitted to her were all the things I am fine with by myself. Telling them to her, however… left me feeling helpless. I know she isn’t the girl I remember and I am most certainly not the friend she recalls.
I wrote somewhere in the message switching, “I hope I have not disappointed you.”
I really meant those words.
Heh. My eyes are watery.

Yay, Mom!

Well, while the guy I met via the net recently is still pleasant to talk to he has gotten ahead of himself two times already. The previous conversation I wrote about, I left out the single thing that was a warning light. We spoke about cars and at one point he asked if I drive. I told him no and we talked about why. He eventually said he’d teach me if I’d like. I brushed that off, but automatically thought he was jumping the gun with that. We live states away, just met, that night was our first day to converse and he comes up with that?
Well, I saw him again tonight. We haven’t swapped emails as much since he got on late, but another light went off. He wanted to see if we could talk on the phone before he called it a night. This is the second night we’ve conversed and he asks that?!
To my luck, I don’t use phones anyway. Ah, auditory processing disorders… I explained to him about the whole problem phones give me. He responded that he was sorry about that. Sigh…
If this happens a third time, I guess I’ll just have to give up. I’ll likely talk to my mom about what occurred tonight at some point. I told her about him tonight. She seemed uncertain. I told her my views vaguely and she easily got what I meant. She knew I was pretty uncertain myself, I think.
While I’ve always liked the idea of having the protective brothers who’d make a potential person for me quiver in fear for hanging out with me and the father who will make threats and give “the talk”, it surprised me when my mother told me more or less that if anyone was interested in me in a way that was beyond decent, the person wouldn’t have time to worry about my brothers. She’d have the guy in prison.
That left me with all smiles. I hugged her and told her it made me feel so loved. Yeah, most people would likely dread having a protective family like that, but it actually comforts me. It reassures me, makes me feel protected and makes me know I am very much loved. I am happy.


After “holding council”, I decided to just block him. While he was nice and everything, he made a yellow light turn on the first night and then a red one on the second. I didn’t feel anything in regards to him and the red light was unnerving. I blocked him.

They’re Out to Get Me…

Well, there was something I didn’t learn about until a day before, so Thursday was busy. Those blood tests mentioned a while ago for the physical… yeah, I went in for that around eight in the morning with my mom. We were there for about an hour. Since I hadn’t eaten for over Twelve hours my chest was starting to bother me, so yeah, my ulcer is still healing.
We stopped at IHOP to my delight. Their hash browns are good. After we ate it was time to do errands. Something was up with insurance coverage, so my mom was having an issue over losing around eighty bucks that shouldn’t have been charged. We were there for almost two hours. The bright sun outside and the fluorescent lights of the store left me very out of it.
When that was finally over we stopped at a consignment shop my mom takes her old clothes to. The ones that weren’t taken went to the Salvation Army. After that, Mom stopped by the small mall-thing and got some mascara. Then we finally went home. It was around twelve-thirty then.
Mom ate lunch and we watched some television until our second winds came along. Around one-twenty we then left to a bank. My mom made an account and we got to sit there for a gloriously long time as well.
We finally got back home and I ate a small lunch at two-fifteen. Mom got ready to go to the gym and I stayed up for an hour until I could finally collapse, since I didn’t sleep much the night before.
So, from about three-thirty to seven-forty I was dead to the world. Mom woke me up, wanted to watch some shows and so I rose. I had a bowl of cereal and joined her. She told me the rest of her day and I asked about our plans for Friday. By ten, we called it a day. She got ready for bed and I got on here to type all this.
Well, Friday was pretty busy. I woke up at five to take the Nexium and then ate around six. At seven I hit the treadmill and got my shower in at eight. Around nine-thirty my mom and I left for our trip. She stopped to fill up the car and we were off.
We got into town around twelve-thirty. It took a while for us to find my sister’s apartment because my mom completely forgot she moved to a different area in the complex and then had no idea where to find her area. After a while I took lead and we found my sister.
We stopped in, talked and finally hit the road again. We headed to where my great aunt lives and stopped by the cemetery to place flowers down. It was April tenth, the same day my grandfather died. Sadly, I really don’t remember him.
Well, we piled back in and then ate lunch. I really needed it because I hadn’t eaten since six. That is about seven or so hours of not eating. We stopped at a small shop. I had a club sandwich, my mom a veggie burger and my sister pork loins. We ate, we became full and then we left.
Then we visited my great aunt. We hugged and caught up. My mom talked about my Dad’s eye surgery and the whole thing about her phone. My sister and I looked through a photo album and eventually Karin arrived. She’s my mother’s cousin.  More talking commenced.
Eventually we rose and went to the dining area. My great aunt made some peach cobbler and fixed up some tea. I avoided due to my ulcer, but I have never liked cobbler anyways, so it was fine. There was more talk and I got around to mentioning family some.
Well, my mom and I needed to hit the road again, so we said out goodbyes and looked outside to see a pig had gotten loose in my great aunt’s property. We left then and headed back for my sister’s apartment. On our way back something happened that caused traffic to pick up and the access road was in a very interesting condition.
We got to my sister’s place, relaxed some and they looked up on the net to see what happened. It was relayed to me and then my sister showed a bride’s maid dress she’d be wearing in a week or two to a friend’s wedding.
We soon left after that. I fell asleep the rest of the trip. We got home around seven and I worked on making myself something to eat since it had been over the time I’m supposed to eat. I told my mom the past two days really screwed me over and that she was out to ruin all my progress in fighting this ulcer I have.
Well, the rest of the night is a blur to me. I checked some places and decided to join Myspace of all things. Yeah, it is pretty bizarre for me to do such a thing, but after talking to my sister, I thought it wouldn’t hurt. It is the only way I’d be able to contact a few of my old friends to see how they are doing.
Another thing happened. I have recently gone to a site where people can meet. I made my profile and was apparently winked. I had no idea what a wink was and so looked it up. The concept made me uncomfortable, but I answered anyway.
Saturday came up and my dad helped screw my schedule up even more. I hadn’t eaten since seven the night before. I didn’t wake up until eleven the next morning! He said he didn’t want to wake me up since I was so exhausted. I was fretting in my mind, “So you’d rather my ulcer to start hurting me again!?”
I ate some cereal, took a shower and talked with my mom.
Around twelve my dad comes around and wants to go to the grocery store. When I told him how long I went without eating, he looked at me and gave that “Aww, why’d you do such a thing” voice and look. That annoyed me. If he had woken me up like he was supposed to I would have gotten my medicine in me and would have eaten. Screw my exhaustion. I would have simply gone back to sleep after the pill and eating.
Well, we went to the store, got groceries, I put them up and eventually collapsed again due to the past two days catching up on me. I woke again around five-thirty, which was lucky since that was only six hours since I last ate. I fixed up a peanut butter sandwich and ate.
I’ve been up since then, reading, sorting crystals and ultimately getting to know that guy who winked me. Pretty much he just wanted to get to know me a bit and that made me feel more at ease. Yeah, he read my response and we started talking around six-thirty. So far he is nice and we have simply exchanged emails. He lives up in the central area of the east coast. He is eight years older than me and lives in a town smaller than mine!
So far, I really haven’t much to say to this. It is really the first time I’ve ever done such a thing, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt. I need to socialize more and I really have no way to do such other than on the Internet.
Anyway, we stopped around ten-thirty. I then made my midnight meal and resumed my reading. I went to bed around one, I believe.
I woke briefly to take my Nexium around six and then woke up at seven. I ate my usual oatmeal and an hour later I hit the treadmill. After taking a shower, the day has been pretty slow. Come ten or so my father and I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items.
We got back, I snacked on some grapes and crackers and then organized some more. I have a ton of tumbled crystals and it is now getting hard to keep them in order. After spending an hour or so on that, I finished what I could and got to reading.
I just now finished lunch and have finished writing this. The rest of the day will likely be spent reading. My eldest brother and his girlfriend should be dropping by for dinner. Other than that nothing much comes up other than that I will have a dentist appointment on the fifteenth.


Well, as mentioned in my last entry my mom had her urinary issues, well while she was in the middle of that allergies, a cold or something started up. So, like in year 2007, she was hacking away. Pretty much my poor mom was miserable for an extra week.
She eventually got a new phone recently. Apparently I got my lack of updating my technology from my mom. When she went to get a new phone, the person laughed when she told him she had it since 2003. Basically it was like when Shred learned I had a computer with only 9 GB of storage back in 2005. Heh.
Other than that things have been as usual, I suppose. My chest is starting to feel better and we’ve been able to eat out again. Rice is my friend. I still have a few twinges here and there, but it might be due to sleeping on my left side at night.
Sunday I did goof on my medicine though. I was missing one of my pills and grabbed the bottles in sight. I didn’t realize they were my mom’s pill bottles and not my own, however. Her sleep meds are the same size, shape and have a slit through the middle. I took the sleeping pill with my others. I was out. I didn’t realize this until later that night when I was refilling my pill holder.
Monday was the usual other than that I had four full loads of laundry when I usually have two at most. Then there was the two loads of dishes to clean from the night before and this morning. Also, I did 4.4 mph for 1/4 a mile. With such an add-on I walk 2.25 miles in forty-two minutes. At most my weak ankle is a bit off and my throat was very dry on the 4.4… Yosh.
Anyway, this Easter holiday my mom and I will leave to see my great aunt and leave flowers on my grandparents’ graves. I’ll likely see my sister as well. After all that, I will have my appointment with the dentist on the fifteenth if I have the date right.
Yep, that is it.