I’m not writing much. We assume it is a bug I have caught. It is easing enough that I no longer sleep all day. I still have the verge of nausia to contend with. That is not fun. An odd thing last night was that Denise popped up out of nowhere again. It seems she will no longer be at College Station by Friday. I cannot think of what else to place down other than that my dad will be dropping by tomorrow and will be leaving again on Monday. Lovely. I still feel odd in the head. Damn it.
I have been sleeping a horrendous amount as of late. I have no idea why. CP and Neko have finally resurrected! I cannot remember much in regards to what has occured since my last post, however. Oh well. That is all I shall type, then.
Well, it seems tonight I did not go to see the therapist. Not only the first person off our insurance, this one was as well. Therefore, I lost my nap over nothing. Instead, my mother and I went to do a task of getting bread and meat for my brother and picked up a few things for my mom like water.
My father went back to his apartment on Monday and my sister left then too. She stayed over the day before. The day before that my brother and his girlfriend visited and we ate out at Mamacita’s. The night before that my mother and I showed my dad an Italian restaurant we like. He seemed to enjoy the food as well.
Other than that not much has occurred. I have drawn quite a bit, but none of them are anything detailed. I have been watching a few movies just for the sake of it. My father had gotten me a new TV. I kept telling him what a bad, bad person he was. Heh. I had asked him to bring down the other dingy one we had before moving. It was about the same size of the one I was using and it could play VHS tapes. My DVD/VHS player would not eject my videotapes. Well, it would after trying to do so for hours…
I helped him put together a table-thing for the TV to rest on; he felt I needed something better than a TV dinner tray to hold a television set. Heh… I sound primeval I think. Oh well.
Oh, and I thing I noticed tonight… I am attracted to certain looks. Okay, everyone has that, but I realized what combination catches my eye. Thin body structure, angular features, deep set eyes, somewhat long hair (long for a boy in other words), pale complexion, intelligence (and it is obvious), seems somewhat nerdy or meek, but as said “seems”, not a terribly deep voice and has a certain, faint accent to it, dark hair from brown to black, dresses not quite the norm (bookish, wild, something a bit different), and a light eye color.
I realized this when I was watching a show with my mother. In it one guy really stands out for me. Then I thought of certain characters (one a guy, the other a girl) I liked from other shows as well as one (a guy) from a movie I liked.
The thing that really got me though, was that a character I created fits the description I made. Simply put, I was extremely amused by this. Egads… I am somewhat human…
Anyway, CP and Neko are still dead ducks. Shame it is. I have been working a bit on something we talked about. I have not gotten much done, but I have pushed it faintly into the direction we were talking about. In addition, I wrote another short story. Hum…
Okay, I am done typing. I think I will watch a movie tonight. Yeayâ€¦
First Friend: Jill, before we even went to kindergarten.
First Imaginary Friend: I do not think I had any.
First Pet dog name: I am not terribly fond of dogs… well, I simply would not want to own one.
First Piercing: Ears when I was in second or third grade.
First Crush: Third grade, brown hair, hazel eyes… I’m a sucker for that combination it seems.
First CD: It was one my dad burned for me… it was a bunch of Japanese songs.
First Car: That is hilarious.
First School: Travis Elementary.
First Kiss: Well, that is very personal… also, it is too vague for me.
Last Time You Smoked: Never.
Last Food You Ate: Ramen, oriental flavor.
Last Car Ride: Uh… sometime earlier this week… maybe on Wednesday?
Last Movie You Watched: Boogie Pop Phantom, tape one.
Last Phone Call: That was too long ago… from, my dad likely… to, a machine to order my meds.
Last CD You listened to: My Gravitaion one.
Last Bubble Bath You took: A bubble bath? Have I ever had a BUBBLE bath?
Last Song You listened to: Its not a Fashion Statement, its a Deathwish… I need something else to listen to soon…
Last Fight: Uh…
8 Have You Ever…
Have You Ever Dated a Best Friend: Nope.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Nope.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yuck.
Have You Ever Been on TV: Sadly.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone and Regretted It: Nope.
Have You Ever Cheated on Your bf/gf: Never.
Have You Ever Been on a Blind Date: Never.
Have You Ever Been out of the Country: You might say that.
7 Things You are Wearing…
– Tank top.
– Chain dog collar on my wrist that would require two pliers to get off.
– Hair tie.
6 Things You’ve Done Today…
– Tossed in bed all night.
– Thinking (about trying to go to bed again.)
5 Favorite Things (no specific order)…
– Fool. (Smirks.)
– My parents.
– My computer/with its Internet and word processor.
– My “art collection”.
– My cat.
4 People You Most Trust (no specific order)…
– The Twins.
– My cat.
– Vanilla or Chocolate: Vanilla.
– Hugs or Kisses: Hug.
– Pens or Pencils: Pens.
2 Things You Want to do Before You Die…
– Make sure my things (writings and drawings) “live on” (are not thrown away the moment I die.)
– Be with the people I care about.
1 Person You Want to see
– At the moment or at some point? I’d like to see the twins at some point. At the moment… my cat… kitteh… Love.
Okay… enough with that. Notes…
My dad will be arriving today.
I’ll see my brother, his girlfriends and I believe my sister some point this weekend.
My mother had me order my meds over the phone… I screwed up in the end though… BAH!
I finally saw Sweat Punch 3 Comedy by Studio 4C – that is a happy day.
My brother surprised me the other night by giving me two swords – one is a katana, the other is… well… a sword.
I’ll be seeing the therapist this coming… I think Wednesday.
CP and Neko are dead, Jim. Sobs…
Today was… productive. At least it feels that way physically. I suppose it is because I did not get my usual amount of sleep and going out much. Anyway, highlights…
I went out to eat lunch with my brother and mom… rare occurance. After that I cleaned and worked on some things. I might have fallen asleep at some point, but I cannot recall. By four thirty I saw my mom. We went to do errands and groceries around five or so. I was moving around everywhere. When out shopping I tend to wander everywhere. We stopped by a pharmacy, the bank, another bank since the previous one sucked, got pet supplies, stopped at OfficeMax, and then went to get groceries.
All the while I was wandering about, taking long strided, fast steps, sometimes running, pushing carts, pushing heavy carts, turning said heavy carts quickly and abruptly, Turning so quick at one point a six pack of sodas flew from the cart and onto the floor (gotta love that), unpacked the groceries, bagged them, put them in the cart, rolled cart out of the store, blah, blah, blah. Got home, unpacked (I think lifting the packages worth some gallons of water hurt my back), put things up and eventually sat down. Now I am here.
My back still hurts.
I was hungry… I think I still am, but I am not in the mood to cook anything. Soda it is then! It seems while in the pet store, my mother was called and my appointment with the therapist is cancelled since she is not on my parents insurrance. A different lady is, so the meeting is planned on the twenty-second I believe. I am quite certain that my mother said her dentist appointment was the twenty-first… so… yeah.
Tonight my brother left for a trip up into the northern area of this state. He intends to see two of his friends. Tomorrow my mother and I will go see my other brother… well… not really him. We are going for one of the cats that is with him. He does not know how to take care of animals. My mother is dragging me there this time to help her finished the task she tried to accomplish last time she was there. I told her I was not spending the night there, so it will be just a day trip.
Sigh. That is all I am typing. I think I need to lay down. My back is getting to me.
Just for the sake of writing it, I slept on the way up there and back. I went for the cat not long after we arrived. I skipped going to to lunch with my brother, his girlfriend and my mom. My mom claims I am “The Cat Whisperer” or something. I know she is making a joke off of something called “The Horse Whisperer”, I believe, but other than that… I have no idea.
Well, with about ten times of him striking my right hand with his claws (Not clawed, but punctured. He stabs.) and taking off almost all the back side of his bodies hair, I managed to get most of the knots off him on my own. I did not dare try to turn him over to get his stomach.
I decided to stop after getting that accomplished and getting him back by chopping down the claws on hios right paw with scissors. I then meandered into the livingroom and sat down. The others came back half a movie later and my brother of course changes the channel while I’m watching. Oh well. They brought me something back to eat and thus I ate half of it; I was not in the mood for something that consisted of meat.
Some movie came on, “Cyano de”… I cannot remember the rest, at least not how to spell it. I had intended to get it sometime in the future just to see it. Well, I saw it. I liked it… but it was around two hours, and I really do not like long movies. Yeah, two hours is long for me. When that was done, my mom decided to leave. She took a whack at the cat as well. Seems I got most of the knots out, so she did not have to do much.
When we got back home, I cleaned up some, scrubbed the carpet for stains, took a shower, ate something and then unhooked my tower, unscrewed it and dusted the inside. Since I’m keeping it, I decided to clean it up like I did the one I was supposed to get. Heh. Well, at least both computers are clean physically. I’ll just have to wait for my dad to help me out clearing the hard drive and have him install some things he’ll be bringing down on Friday. Joy.
Nyxity: Though in all truth, I’m like a six year old or something…
Make: six years old?
Make: how old are u really and why do u consider yourself 6 years old?
Nyxity: I did not really… uh… grow up. Emotionally and all of that crap.
Merk: How so?
Make: as long as u know right from wrong
Merk: Do you throw tantrums?
Nyxity: Just recently I had my first time going into a convenience store and bought something.
Make: and do nothing really stupid your grown up
Make: how old are you nyxity?
Nyxity: I tend to forget to breathe during that sort of stuff… and…
Nyxity: your age.
Nyxity: I was not taught many life skills.
Make: forget to breathe?
Nyxity: Yeah. I do that often.
Make: O.o mmm
Make: i thought u learn that naturally… as a baby
Nyxity: If I do something like run to get something, I realize I have not breathed until I have done the task.
Make: your a guy or a girl?
Nyxity: The few times I have tried buying things on my own, I forget to breathe and when done and out of the store, I realize I have not breathed and I feel sick.
Nyxity: I question gender really. Most of the time, I say guy, but I am actually a girl.
Make: maybe your just very, very nervous when your buying things
Nyxity: Heh. They say I have an anxiety disorder.
Make: the store dude in there is trying to make money. not scare you
Make: maybe you do have anxiety disorder
Nyxity: Oh, I know that. It is just a natural progression for me though.
Make: just try your best to calm down. get a friend to come with you the next time u buy something
Make: make sure he or she keeps reminding you to breath
Nyxity: I have no friends. I think we established that once before actually.
Merk: What about the twins?
Nyxity: Can they go with me into a store?
Nyxity: I am talking about the kind you can feel, touch, see and hear at the same time… in other words, “real friends” as my psychiatrist puts it.
Nyxity: Bleh… I am fine with cybernetic ones.
Merk: Same here
Merk: Some of the best people I have met have been right here in the chat room.
Nyxity: “Real ones” cause too much stress for me.
Merk: And they tend to impose.
Merk: *yeah, they
Nyxity: Anyway… I have been fine enough with how I have live so far… in terms of how I do socializing. Apparently it is not good enough. *Dodgy*
Merk: I have tried socializing, going to parties and outings.
Nyxity: Those… would bore me beyond end.
Merk: I figured it would get easier, but it doesn’t. It was boring, awkward, and frustrating.
Nyxity: huh… Apparently is is now dark… Gotta look for a light.
Nyxity: That ever happen to you?
Merk: Did what happen?
Nyxity: The day is freaking bright and then the next time you look up it is pitch black?
Nyxity: Sort of helps that I keep the shades down all the time though.
Merk: Sunlight’s harsh.
Merk: …whatever it looks like.
Nyxity: So, has the Ceep and Nekotu been entering here off an on since their comp has fried?
Merk: Not that I know of, until now.
Nyxity: Nods. Figured.
Merk: They completely vanished from Fandom, forum and chat
Nyxity: I tend to as well, for certain intervals, but I figure that is normal for me.
Nyxity: You ever talk with Blue?
Merk: Yeah. She’s silly, but sweet. Silly being a good thing, imo..
Nyxity: Curious. I sort of avoid talking to her… she always gets the wrong idea, and I usually have no idea what she is saying. -__- I like her… sometimes I want to comment on something… nope… wrong idea. *dodgy*
Merk: I think she gets her wires crossed, English not being her first language.
Merk: soblue: Merk, u r okay Ponperipon: heh soblue: I love fat guys
Nyxity: Oh, I realize that well. I just have no idea what she is saying and when I do she also has no idea what I am saying… blah, blah… I sort of give up. Gets me nowhere other than making her leery of me.
Make has left the room.
Nyxity: Scared him off.
Merk: He does that a lot.
Merk: Bad net connection, I think.
Nyxity: Still, I just like typing that. Along with the bit about eating people.
Nyxity: ‘Don’t eat meat in real life… might as well be a cybernetic cannibal.
Merk: Hannibal, even.
Merk: Living off a dream?
Merk: I thought that was what you meant.
Merk: Gaining sustenance by eating people, cybernetically.
Nyxity: it just is oddly fun.
Nyxity: I’m left handed.
Make entered the room.
Merk: Welcome back
Nyxity: ’cause I hell am not letting you see my account. I’m paranoid like that.
Merk: Don’t blame you.
Nyxity: Half the stuff I do, is likely only seen by two to four people out of the entire earth’s population.
Make: nyxity, it may be hard
Make: but i think the first thing you need to get is to make a friend outside of the internet
Nyxity: Yeah, that is what the psychiatrist lady and such are getting at.
Nyxity: I’m willing to try… but the thing is… I don’t like hanging out and junk.
Nyxity: In the end I’d have the person meet me on the internet and we’d do everything there.
Merk: We need more otakus in the world.
Make: i’m not a big fan of hanging out either unless the friend lives very close by
Nyxity: I did not even do that that much when I had a friend who was my next door neighbor.
Merk: Bah, I’m being booted.
Merk: Back in a few
Merk has left the room.
Nyxity: I mean, hanging out was just like… lounging around in a room and just… doing nothing.
Nyxity: I have better ways to spend my time, despite people would argue that I’m doing nothing. If not, it was driving around in a car and wasting fuel money…
Make: when hang out, me and my friend would either watch anime, movies or play video games
Make: thats bout it
Nyxity: Never knew anyone who liked anime around my areas.
Make: i’m sure theres someone. u just didn’t meet them yet
Nyxity: Well, once in a while I saw a few… but…
Make: too shy to speak?
Nyxity: We were on different spectrums.
Make: i c…
Nyxity: You have your fanatics, those who just like reading, those who are into whacking each other with things for roleplay… video gamers…
Make: try this
Nyxity: I never really found anyone who was like my case.
Make: write a not saying “remember to breath” put it in your wallet
Make: so the next time u buy something from a store you would see that note as u take out your cash then you better remember to breath
Nyxity: my last endeavor, which was getting a coke from a convenience store, I was chanting that in my head.
Nyxity: I likely looked like a zombie. I did remember to breathe. I just don’t remember anything else. 😀
Make: hey, at least thats a improvement. next time, try to remember to breath and what you were buying
Nyxity: Well, you are talking to a person who will either forget to eat but remember to sleep, or forget to sleep but remember to eat.
Make: everything takes practice. you’ll remember it will sooner ot later
Nyxity: Yeah, well I’m practicing on things people do just by… um… nature.
Make: you can do it!
Make: don’t give up
Nyxity: I try anything… I think that is the only reason I have survived so far.
Make: don’t worry if it’s natural or not
Nyxity: I don’t. As, said, it is my nature… so I guess… I am trying to go against my nature until it becomes something different. I mean, when I do things like the whole getting something from a store, I’m not afraid of people… I’m just lost as hell in a sense. I know what I have to do, I know how to do it… my body just does not want to or something.
Make: i c
Make: i think i know how it feels somewhat
Nyxity: It is so fun being a screw up. *Smirks*
Make: sometimes when i walk into a store, i just don’t feel right unless i buy something
Nyxity: I guess that is why I function on the Internet so well.
Make: doesn’t feel right to not buy something
Nyxity: Yeah… that is the way of it.
Make: so i end up buying something. cept your situation is a bit different
Nyxity: You just sort of see the people behind the counter eyeing you sometimes. 😀
Nyxity: If I could control my body from far away rather than inside, I’d do just dandy I think.
Make: try this…
Nyxity: Heaven forbid if I figure out how to play video games.
Make: listen to a mp3 player or a cd player with your favorite songs while inside a store
Nyxity: I’d probably forget what I’m doing then.
Make: no you won’t. you’ll remember
Nyxity: You’d be surprised.
Make: and you’ll ignore whatever noise is outside your headphones
Make: just try it. it might work
Nyxity: I’m the type who will enter the kitchen. I’ll be going to check if my clothes are done. I walk passed the trashcan and say, I need to change that when I go pass again. The clothes are not dry, I turn and tell myself I’ll change the trash and take it out then… I leave the room, go by the trashcan, and forget about telling myself to do the thing completely. Then an hour later or so I’ll remember. I’ll take out the trash. On my way back in I’ll say, “Okay, I need to replace the bag now”. I enter, I walk right pass the trashcan. Sometime later, I’ll remember. Simply put, being me is… interesting.
Make: mmm… it sounds kinda cute… being a klutz and all… >__<
Nyxity: I have never been called that before.
Make: anyway, try your best at remembering! everyone has stuff that they are good at and stuff that they are bad at
Nyxity: Nice to know I’m bad at thinking.
I saw Mrs. Wynn today. The meeting was fine. She is thinking on changing my medicine again, which is something my mother and I are leery of. I’ll be seeing a woman named Donna for therapy it seems. It is scheduled for 4-7 on a Friday, 2:30. My father went back to his appartment on Wednesday. My girls have been having Internet problems, thus are not in contact with me. It has been a week. I finished the drawing. The background is not great, but hey, they stopped making the pens I like using.
Tomorrow around one we will be going farther south. It will give my brother something to do, I’ll get to look around for colored pencils to replace the ones that were eaten up by the pencil sharpener my mother ruined, and my mother will look into the hair salons there. We might even stop at a book store. That shall be nice.
I am not in the mood to write much more. Ciao.
Hum… I cannot remember things well at the moment, so this will likely be short. Thurday Tom came over. Friday, my dad arrived in the late afternoon.
One point I stopped at a gas station anf got some drinks on my own. I spent most of the time focusing on breathing, so I pretty much forgot to say thank you. I thinki it was that day, or night that I started up a drawing. I had been reading a short story I did last summer and decided to draw the main character.
Sunday, my father and I went to the grocery store. My eldest brother and his girlfriend came over later. At one point I showed her my room and again we talked a bit. She’s caused me to want to get a tattoo again after showing me two of hers.
Monday I went to Hastings and got four dvds. I had mainly went to find a book and two cds, but the place had neither. Later on my dad helped me with my computer by clearing things off and downloading a defragmenter to help rearrange things.
Tuesday I went to bed earlier than usual only to wake up later than usual. Something tells me I should stick to my usual schedule. While I slept my dad worked on my comp. some more. I awoke right around when a cable guy came. My brother had gotten a new TV set, a wide screen digital or something. He had been having problems with it.
Well, I was kicked out of my room not long after and I piddled about in my mom’s room until the guy left. My dad got onto me about eating and I ate ramen… by god I cannot remember the last time I ate that sort of stuff. The rest of the day I cannot remember too greatly.
Miscellania to be written… My TV set is at least 15 years old. My computer is at least 8 years old. I did some more screen caps again. I need to work on that drawing some more. This Friday I will be seeing Mrs. Wynn.