Louie, Louie…

We still have the cat. My brother calls him “Smokey”. His eyes were green, but I believe they are turning yellow. Huh.
I’ve been really… “out of it” or perhaps “plain lazy” as of late. It is almost like I have gone back in time before I had to start school and leave home.
Am I bored? Not really. Tired? Not exactly. Lazy? No idea. Burnt out? I doubt. Lack of inspiration? Perhaps.
I’m just here. I collect useless things. I read. I usually do chores and if that has not occurred it is because I am out like a broken light bulb.
Nothing really comes to mind when it comes to family. My dad is here. My mom works. My brother is usually at work or is sleeping. My sister… I know she is in a different apartment and that is about it. My E. brother… I can only shrug.
All the animals are fine. Fall has finally arrived. In a week Halloween will be here.
What is there to say?

I guess that is all. Upon leaving I will leave… Lyrics:

Artist: Snider Todd
Song: Ballad Of The Kingsmen
Album: East Nashville Skyline

The Kingsmen came together in a garage,
They could hardly even play
But they practiced night
And day pretty soon they got to where they could really play that song Louie,
So, they saved up all the money from the shows,
Went in to one of them studios and gave their version of the song a try

Now, I don’t know the words to that song Louie,
Louie and I’m pretty sure the singer for the
Kingsmen didn’t know ‘em either,
If he did know ‘em he didn’t get ‘em right on the record
Cause on the record they sound jumbled in his jaw? It says,
Me think of me girl oh so constantly
Ahmayaaah makaaaah aahh ooohoooh aaaaah
Well, that last part scared everybody from the PTA to the FBI
You see, the kids had been going kind of crazy lately
And it seemed like nobody could figure out why,
So they decided to form a coalition,
Launch an investigation, you know for the children, they at least had to try
To figure out the words to Louie, Louie

It’s the feel good hit of this endless summer
It gets these kids out of control
Singin along to that star spangled bummer,
Hail, hail rock and roll

Marilyn Manson’s real name isn’t even Marilyn Manson,
He’s a skinny public high school Kid from Florida,
Not some monster from out of this world and like of a lot other skinny long hair public
High school kids he was sick of getting
Beaten up by the pulling guard all week only to go out on the weekend,
And watch the Quarterback get all the girls so,
He formed a band man
Now’ he gets all the girls,
A few years later a couple of latchkey kids go tragically
Mad and everybody’s standing around the television store at the mall trying to figure out what went wrong,
This guy says,
You think the life of a kid going to high school could’ve gotten so bad this other guy says nah,
It’s just the words to one of them goddamn Marilyn Manson songs,
You know the one


You know, every ten years or so our country and some other little country,
We start firing all of our newest weapons
At each other for some reason or another, right or wrong,
Like it or not, it happens, and when it happens
People get shot and when people get shot,
They show it on tv a lot every night at six o clock
And you don’t even have to be eighteen to see it you don’t even have to be in first grade,
First grade where they teach the kid pride
They tell him he’ll need to thrive,
In a world where only the strong will survive,
So he’s taught the art of more
To compare to and to keep score Monday thru Friday while
He stares at the floor til’ Sunday they make him go to
School once more only this time they make him wear a suit and a tie
And listen to some guy who claims to know Where people go
When they die tell him that only the meek are gonna inherit the earth Well shit,
By this time the kid doesn’t know what anything
Is worth, now brothers and sisters I am only one guy
And I don’t even know the words to that song Louie,
Louie but I can tell you right now without batting an eye
That the next time some latchkey kid goes wrong
It aint gonna be cause that Eminem gets to say the word Fag in his song
And I’m not trying to preach to ya either,
I’m just trying to sing to ya too, you know string a few words together

Hey kids…
Lets get it on,
Lets get it on

My Response: Hell yeah. Sucks as a song, but the lyrics… hell yeah.

Chain and Summarizing…

Homophobia and You: They’re people too! Stop the hate and spread the love!

*I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
*I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
*I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
*We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
*I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
*I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
*I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
*I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
*We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
*I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
*I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
*I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
*I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
*I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
*I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
*I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
*I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
*I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
*I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
*I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.


I’m not really one to grab such things, but this is something I want to keep around.

Anyway… The week has been… blah. Yes. Blah. Before I get into it, though, I mention something that probably should have been noted about a week ago. My brother smuggled a kitten into the house. We have five already. He does not intend to keep it forever. He’s been asking around and looking into shelters that don’t kill animals.

The bugger is cute. I remember before I gotPeabody, I spoke about what kind of cat I was interested in. Black. Yeah. I wanted a black short-hair. I got the exact opposite. Heh.

Well, at that, you have the description of this one. I automatically saw him as “Max”. My mom calls him “Midnight”. He is just a kitten. A girl at my brother’s work found him under a dumpster.

I’m sure all of us (Mom, Brother and me) would love to keep him, but we already have five cats in this house already. Even I think five is plenty. We kept him hidden from my dad for a while. Dad found out though on Sunday night I believe. Perhaps he even found out Monday? Anyway, he asked my mother when she got home if she knew about the cat in my brother’s room. Heh.

Well, time for a recap…

Friday was fine. Mom’s haircut appointment was an hour earlier than she thought it was… therefore, we were quite lucky to have left at8:30rather than nine. Her appointment took about three hours. Mine? I was probably thirty minutes. Heh.

The time in between was spent wandering the mall. I go to three certain places, but I know I won’t find or buy anything that I am in search of. Why? I know of places that sell the thing I’m looking at far cheaper. I’m thrifty. Oh well.

Saturday, my dad and brother moved my sister’s stuff for her apartment. I spent the day reading. I had gotten a book and an eBay purchase the day before. The book was good. It had humor in the first half and all that junk. Sadly, despite it was a good read it was forgettable. Perhaps it is just that I am forgetful? Heh.

Sunday we finally went grocery shopping. I cannot remember anything else during that day though. My father decided to make me some German potato salad. Sigh… I eat it, but I really cannot say I like his attempts. He uses different recipes time to time… but… Dang.

I’m picky. It had too much vinegar (made me feel sick, damn it!), the onions could be chopped smaller, and again, I think the potatoes could have been mashed up more as well as cooked a little bit longer. Then again, the potato consistency I like happens to be mashed potatoes, which my dad will not do. Damn it, I know what I like. Who says German potato salad can’t have mashed potatoes? The place we go to in that shop town makes them that way! …Well, back to my dad’s attempt, at least this version did not have eggs mixed in.

Monday was an out of it day. I was up all night, at breakfast, brushed teeth, fell asleep, woke up, did chores, laid down when a migraine it, rose again to go to Lowe’s with my dad, came home, popped some Advil and went to sleep. Five or six hours later I wake again, did some more chores, ate cereal, watched Shark and Cold Case with Mom and then retreated to my room to work on something until it was around three.

I got up around nine Tuesday. Did the usual, took a nap, woke at three and eventually had my checkup at the dentist come four. I thought it was for a cleaning, but instead it was merely to take x-rays. My real cleaning will likely be a month from now. In any case, she said my teeth look good so far. Yay…

I came home to find I had my second book come in. From then to around eight-thirty I had eaten, rested a while and eventually watched shows with my parents. After that it was clearing my head and taking a shower. Finally by nine-thirty or so, I opened that book. Other than a short break to eat something by the two-hundredth page, I read untilfour AM.

The book was not the theme I thought it was going to be, but it was good. It lagged a bit in the beginning, but was overall fine. A bad book for me is one that lags enough to the point I cannot even finish it. In my “serious” reading ventures, that has only happened twice in my life in regards to books that are not anthologies.

I finally went to sleep around four-thirty to five and stayed out of it until about four in the afternoon. From then to today, things went pretty much as usual.

Trying to Return to Retrograde…

I’m still a bit out of my retrograde, but maybe by next week I’ll be relatively back to normal. That will be good considering I think that some of my late spending is fueled a bit from the additional energy, hence stress, here. I’m so bad.

Well, my dad’s thing went well and as expected. Nothing has been determined yet and he received some materials to look over. That is all I know.

A “pop” shot was in order Wednesday. Flu season has arrived it seems. I never would have known. Of course my arm ends up aching a few hours later and my mom is just fine. Bah.

My E. brother left yesterday night and arrived safely in Chicago. That is al i know of his scenario really. I believe I only learned this by vaguely hearing a conversation my mom had over the phone with him.

Tomorrow, as noted previously, will be the glorious haircut day. I hope I survive. I’ve been weak all this week and perhaps even some of last week due to all this… In any case, I should go to bed. She and I will be leaving around eight thirty. Nine is the latest.

That is all.

Survey, Summary, Tired…

Ten Random Things About Me
1. Paranoid
2. Schizoid
3. OCD
4. APD
5. Asperger Disorder
6. Bipolar II
7. Asexual
8. Premature
9. Speech therapy
10. Lactose intolerant

Nine Ways To Win My Heart
1. Patient
2. Responsible
3. Loyal
4. Truthful
5. Cleanliness (Surroundings)
6. Understanding
7. Quirky
8. Mature
9. Good hygiene

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. To
2. Be
3. Content
4. With
5. The
6. Life
7. I
8. Lived

Seven Ways To Annoy Me
1. Pat my head
2. Talk loud
3. Be a dog (Literal or otherwise.)
4. Use me
5. Be a hypocrite
6. Be irresponsible
7. Stereotype

Six Things I Need
1. At least one person to trust
2. At least one person who cares
3. At least one person I can depend on
4. At least one person who’s nonjudgmental
5. At least one person who will put up with me
6. At least one person who will help me remember

Five Things I’m Scared Of
1. Utter loneliness
2. Forgetting who I am
3. Living an utter lie
4. Not being good enough
5. Losing everything worthwhile

Four Favorite Things In My Room
1. Bed
2. Computer
3. My “collection”
4. My drawings

Three Things I Do Everyday
1. Breathe
2. Sleep
3. Eat

Two Things I’ll Always Cherish
1. Family
2. Remembering

Well, last week has gone by and I remember little. There were the usual things, I am sure. There was good for my dad and bad for him as well. I know little to nothing when it comes down to my E. brother. My sister called up and showed concern to my mom about Dad at some point. My second brother meanwhile left Thursday night to where my dad is to help him move the rest of his stuff down here. Friday night will be a going away party for him at work.
If anything is noted in memory though, it is that my father is apparently very much respected, admired and that sort of stuff when it came to his job. Just last night my mother read a letter that had been sent to him and forwarded to her. It is amazing how only so much a person can know another. Over the last week or so, I’ve heard of his influence and such. Many people out of state are coming in to see wish him farewell. I thought, “That’s my dad?” However, there was the consideration of family. It is one thing to work under stress with business. It is another when it comes to family.
I never updated my pages. I am either too tired to, or the passing days have been hectic… perhaps it is both.
Saturday was an “out of it” day. My mom and I did errands. By five my dad and brother arrived. I was still feeling out of it. The rest of the time was my dad setting in some and such things. I went to bed around ten and was out of it most of Sunday.
Monday my E. brother arrived to see us for then, today and tomorrow. After that he is going to Chicago. His cat is here and annoys me. I figure it is because I am tired and am not accustomed to him… hence my calling him a bastard and the like.
This weekend has tired me… I guess all the energy in the house is the culprit. I’m a bit… manic I suppose since I’ve been doing laundry and organizing during the late hours of the night until early morning. Blah.
Anyway, there is not much left coming to mind. Notes for future… Dad will be checking into the possible job tomorrow. The fifth, I believe, is when my mother and I will be going to get haircuts. On the ninth Mom and I will be having a dentist checkup.