Um… Yeah.

I might go back to my usual ways of simple entries. Anyway, I just felt like noting this… My mother told me some point this week that I had the sensitivity of a cat. That made me smile. She told me how cats are easily affected by their surroundings and the like. I seem to be the same way. Now that my eldest brother and sister left, I suddenly went to sleeping more. Supposedly, it was built up stress. My inability to sleep at night goes tenfold when the rest of the family is here. I usually get less sleep really.
There were other tidbits I had noticed about how I am affected by more people being around. I noticed I forget to breathe at times. Shallow breathing is something I have done most of my life if not all. I noted to my mother that perhaps that helped cause my poor memory. Lack of oxygen kills brain cells, you know. She actually agreed. Then she spoke of my birth and such… how it plays a large deal in my mental oddities… or something like that. I cannot recollect too clearly.
I also eat less when others are here, I think. It is made up for with the junk food though. Ah, the influence of others. When my eldest brother is here, we get potato chips and some other stuff. Well, I eat it. Oops. Bad me.
Anyway, I am not really in the mood to write more. Toodles.

The Balding Duck has Landed…

I cannot necessarily remember Christmas Eve day. Well, I did work on that picture and more or less abused my left arm, wrist and hand terribly. I took breaks in between, but for the most part, I remember little else. I worked on it deep into the night and forgot all other things I would do by midnight. I finally finished the drawing around six in the morning.

I went to sleep then, on Christmas day, and woke again around nine, I believe… perhaps somewhere around eight… I sat in the living room, willing myself to keep awake. When it was near ten or eleven, my sister finally woke up completing all who were needed. We opened gifts one by one.

I received the things I had expected and was quite pleased. My brother spoke during the month of getting me a gift. When it came to the last present, he showed a rather large box. I automatically guessed it was a sword. Despite my abilities to predict, I still was utterly pleased and expressed it greatly with loud whooping sounds.

In the end, I retreated to my room and worked on trying to stuff in the new things, thus having to rearrange much in order to fit them in. The gift was indeed of blade… it was a rack with three samurai swords. I took a picture after I had it all set up.

After that, I took to reading my new books or piddled. I really do not know. Soon enough though we had to take showers and then went to eat Christmas lunch/dinner. It was a decent event. We went out to eat for once. I seem to go prim and proper whenever we eat out. I do not know why. Perhaps it is due to nervousness. I tend to work that way. It is interesting to say the least.

We returned home later then… perhaps that was when I took my nap. Yes, that likely was when. I finished a book I had to put down to go eat and then took a nap. I awoke sometime later… I think nine.

The rest of the night I cannot quite recall, but I did start reading a book I had been curious about ever since I saw the 2004 Phantom of the Opera movie. It is likely a “Phantom Bible” for fans of the story. “Phantom” by Susan Kay, it was. I found it more engaging than the original novel, sad to say. I suppose it was because it was because of the first person perspectives and humor given to Erik. I read hours straight until it reached around three in the morning. I had only about a hundred pages left out of that 450-something paged book, but company was to come over around eleven, so I needed to rest some. I awoke around ten after not falling asleep until around four or five. I took a shower and then spent the rest of the time for the guests to arrive.

My mother’s cousin and daughter, along with her aunt and uncle came to visit and eat lunch with us. I was my usual self – pretty much, I kept to myself. When it came to eat, I was the first to fill my plate and sat outside where I was designated to. I never eat much during the holidays. I suppose I am too accustomed to TV dinners to care much about other foods. I ate in my usual silence. My two brothers and father eventually joined me as I ate and let my bare feet freeze. When I was done, I lingered briefly, but soon entered the house once more and did my usual disappearing act.

I did not keep out of sight too long. I have to decency to stay in sight when family is around. I took up my book and set to work on reading the rest of it. When people were finishing their meals, some wandered to the living room where I read. The TV I could handle. It was when people started to rock the chair, tug on my hair and bother me did I start to become perturbed. The last stray was when my brother wound up the music box that plays silent night.

I covered my ears and started to read aloud so I could hear only my voice. Sadly, reading like that causes me not to be able to absorb what I read very well. I swore a couple of times before and received reprimanding looks from my brother. I did not care. I hoped people would get the point that when I am concentrating on something I will become volatile when disturbed.

When the music box started to slowly tune down, I was about to relax and resume reading how I was earlier until my eldest brother did it again. I swore loudly, picked up my book and damned being around everyone. I retreated to my room and managed to be content ever since. I can stand only so much.

I finally finished the book around three or three thirty, I believe. After that, I got onto my computer and worked on what I had neglected the night before. When I finally peeked out of my room, the guests were gone. I had not expected them to leave and not have someone tell me of it to bid them farewell. I guess it is my fault. I mean I was the one who disappeared when things became too oppressing to me.

Nevertheless, despite the rudeness of leaving while guests were here, I still consider the decency to see them when they leave. I would have well stayed in the room if I had not been driven to a mood that would be quite disagreeable. Part of me wonders if I am merely writing these thoughts out to keep myself from becoming self-loathing. I find myself hard to comprehend as much as I do almost everything else.

Anyway, other than that, I have had a decent holiday. I have concluded, however, that whenever I read normal, hold-in-my-hands books, I tend to pull my hair out with veraciousness. At the crown of my head, from the length and width of my pointer finger it is without hair. My mom says when people who concentrate hard, some tend to fool with their hair. Apparently, I go beyond that and my Trichotillomania kicks in with full force. Oh well. I guess if I ever go out, I will need to wear a hat or pull my hair back.

I guess I should post this. If I wait until the end of the week, this will be ridiculously longer than my usual entries.

~ The Balding Duck…

Nearing Christmas…

Friday night was spent with Neko. She is a doll. I love her. Well, I fooled around on DA and she was doing her own thing, but we chatted. Eventually we both hit the bed near three my time, if I am not mistaken. We both were to have busy days.

Well, I woke up sometime later, my mother giving me my medication. I stayed up for once since she needed my help at taking all the animals to the vet. The dog annoyed me terribly, but other than that, it was fine. We returned home and unloaded them. I took a shower as my mother made a list of things we needed.

We stopped by Gibson’s to get some things, I being the one finding the most crucial, since I oddly have a knack for finding things. We then left for Walgreen’s to look for wrapping paper, boxes and tissue. When that was done, we stopped by a pet store to look for pet repellant since my mother’s dog is a real pain in the spine.

Soon after we headed for HEB to get drinks, sandwich meat, cheese, chips and sodas for my brother and a few other tidbits. My mother needed one other thing – a thermos. Well, we stopped by Gibson’s again for that. I wandered about like a mad person and found the section for her. When that was through, we went home and unpacked.

The rest of the time was spent cleaning and the like. I was considerably tired in some form or fashion beyond my knowledge. How I knew though was because I was talking a lot, had dizzy spells and was rather loopy. When things calmed down, I retreated to my room and uploaded for things on DA. By then, it was around six. Boy does time fly.

Sunday was spent just like any other day. I cleaned a lot and then did whatever. Monday was pretty much the same. Tuesday is a blur, other than that my mother had me go out to eat with her. We had Chinese. During dinner, she told me about a woman she encountered who admitted to something similar to how I am. My mother thinks she is bi-polar as well, but the thing is… she admitted she did not feel she identified with either gender. Simply put, a smile graced my lips and it put me in a lighter mood.

Then we did some shopping; she needed a telephone cord and a lot of water for an air humidifier she got. Therefore, after we ate, we went to Wal-Mart and got the cord as well as 10 big containers of water. We left and forgot where my mother parked. We just walked and we came upon the car soon enough. We then went home.

Wednesday was spent mainly sleeping because I stayed up all night and did not go to sleep until around five AM. I worked a bit on a drawing I started perhaps the day before. I did my chores. It was a rather simple day. To my delight, Neko showed up. Neither had been on for a while.

Thursday was very similar to Wednesday. I am still working on that drawing and am starting to regret it; therefore, pretty much everything is going as it is supposed to. I am also picking up a project I started a while ago, but put a stop to since it depended on someone else. It is another form of me editing things, really. I suppose it is my OCD.

Clark sent me a birthday card, which was silly since it arrived on my brother’s birthday. She told me what was going on for her and the like. It was nice. I automatically wrote something back, but do not quite know what I will do to send it…

I had the fortune of seeing CP this time around. She had to leave earlier than usual, though. Partially it was due to a busy day awaiting her and then there was the issue of being tired. I bit her good night and worked a bit more on the picture before going to bed as well.

I awoke late morning, nearing noon. I did my chores and am now eating. My father, sister and eldest brother will be arriving today. I suppose that is all I shall write for now.

~ Uh… yeah…

SED 9th and other things…

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality – cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you’re told that you’re loved.

You’d like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future… one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You’ll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You’ll do anything for love, but you won’t fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I had a nice chat with Kyle Friday morning. I saw a picture of his boyfriend. They look cute together. I wish them luck. Other than that, the morning was uneventful, but that is to be expected. I had awoken around five, which was two hours after I had gone to bed. I did some chores, took a shower around seven and at some point, I have no idea when, I went back to sleep. I awoke again around ten thirty. I was up for the remainder hours fooling around on the computer.

My dad arrived around one thirty. Soon after, we hit the grocery store. My mother was not there so I had to guess at what to get her. We got back, put up groceries and I think by three to four I went to bed. I awoke again around six when my parents left for the party. The rest of the day was uneventful. CP and Neko lacked in making appearances, but they are likely preoccupied with college or their parents. Oh, and SED is annoying.

Saturday was spent mostly sleeping really. I had stayed up late into the night hoping to get a glimpse of one of the girls. No such luck occurred. The day is relatively a blur. Oh, we stopped at the “mall” to get my mother a scarf and hat. Whilst there, I looked for a black tie. The day before, when my father and mother returned from the party, I tried on his tie and found I liked it… so much that I wanted one of my own. I did not want any of his… just a black one would do nicely.

Also whilst snooping around, my father saw a hat that he thought screamed my name. I tried it on for the heck of it. I liked it so wore it throughout the store until they told me to take it off lest the workers think I was out to steal it. I mean, hey, if it was going to be bought what reason was there… It was bought and I wore it home.

At some point, around five we went out to eat. I do not remember the name… other than it had to do with “Jefferson”. The place was okay. After glancing through the menu, I thought I was doomed. It was full of meat and seafood dishes. Both things are not of my preferences. I lucked out by getting a plate full of the side orders… “Veggie plate”. The end of the meal it was decided to get cheesecake. I was not necessarily interested in the kind they had there. It seems my judgment was correct. My mother got me one for whatever reason was in her head. I had told her I was freakishly full. Oh well. She got a different kind for herself and my brother had chocolate cake with ice cream on the side. I tried my share. I tried hers. I gave mine to my father. My ways are plain and simple. It is something I have come to expect.

On the way back, we stopped by Hastings and Blockbuster since my father was in search of a movie he mentioned to me. I expressed an interest to watch it. Being who he is, if I show even the faintest interest or knowledge of something I “must” have it… or something like that. Eesh.

Both cases were fruitless, but my brother got two rentals and the entire family here watched one of them. I saw my share in that one movie, so I guess I will save the movie my father wanted me to see later.

Yeah, I got ahead of myself. We did get the movie he wanted me to see. Well, my brother was the one who got it. He stopped by Wal-Mart after we got home to look for it. If I wake up late into the night, maybe I will watch it. If not, I will see it tomorrow or the like. Other than that, the day was uneventful. I think I might wear the tie everyday. It is comfortable.

Sunday was uneventful. I woke up around nine; my mother and father were missing so I assumed they went to church. My brother was gone, I believe. It was to go bowling with his fellow workers. I did my chores and eventually took a shower. When my parents returned I meandered outside my room, since my dad would be leaving at some point, so I had best see him as much as possible before he went.

Sadly, I was feeling very tired still, so I likely lacked in being there. Happily, my family understands me for the most part. I did hug him a lot though. I was dozing off some at the nearing point of my father’s leaving and then he went. I waved him bye.

After that, I retreated to my room and hit the bed. Most of the day was spent there. I suppose it was to be expected. I got up and did chores or read here and there, but lacked in consciousness for the most part. I think mother gave me my medicine though.

At some point, after doing some laundry and the like, I stopped to watch that movie my father was adamant about getting me the other night. It was okay. I was apparently expecting more from it, but it was good enough. It was rather slow and uneventful. The main character’s back-stories were what were the most interesting if anything. I believe I expected more for the ending as well. I guess it would be like a book that I liked enough to read, but would not care to buy. Who knows though? I might want to watch it again come one of these days.

My mother had ordered pizza some while earlier. My brother came into my room some point near the end of the movie to tell me so as well as something about him buying me a Christmas gift. I made one of those comments where the words would seem callus but are not… or something like that, I believe. Maybe it was just a scolding. I never care for people “surprising” me. I do not do well with things that I do not know about, especially in terms of my birthday and Christmas. I say what I wish for, and expect only that much or less. To receive something unexpected somewhat deters me I believe. It makes me uncomfortable. Usually in dealings with Christmas, I do not like it when someone gives me something and I lack the ability to return the favor.

My mother says that it is not about that, that my brother wants to do it and it is therapeutic for him in terms of how he was in previous years or something. That does not change things from my standpoint though. I suppose it is my… estranged ways to things. Well, not exactly estranged, as that is more of a negative term… but what I speak of does deal with detachment. I was helping my mother hand up some last minute ornaments and made comment about it in a way. Her dog was barking and it was annoying me. The conversation went on and eventually I noted that I was not much of a dog person, maybe I even said animal… I cannot be certain. I paused and then noted that I was not much of a human person either and she agreed.

That caused me to think of how agoraphobic I would still be if I were alone outside. I function just dandy when out shopping with my mom or be it someone else of the family. I feel comfortable enough to meander on my own at times even. It is when I cannot find whoever I came with do I start to panic. I also think of scenarios of if I were to have come alone, just how awkward and lost I would be. That is my dependency right there. I am relatively fine being someone’s shadow. I always have been I think. I wonder what I would do without my family here. My guess is that I would either become a hermit and lack function to leave the house, or I would eventually learn to get used to such things.

It is hard to tell. I remember how well I did in the end of schemes when it came to school. In the very end, I cracked and went good-bye. I have strange thoughts too. I have mentioned want for a gas mask. People ask why, and truthfully, I do not know. I think they look neat, I guess. I saw a man walking somewhere – likely home – with groceries in his hand. I thought of how I would likely be doing the same thing when older, since I do not drive. I saw myself doing the job in a gas mask. I think it was because the air outside bothered me that day.

Anyway, my mother eventually asked me to polish three things of silver… a tray, a sugar bowl and a cream holder. I got to work on that. In the midst of it I asked my mom if I struck her as the type who appeared to be patient. I ask this because I know I am not. She answered no. I knew she was aware I lacked patience, so I repeated what I meant. She then replied to someone who did not know me well would likely think I would be patient. I thought that would be the case. I need to have it affirmed. I think that is why I ask questions, pertaining to me, towards Kyle and her. I know I do not understand how things work in terms of how one acts and the like. I like to know what I do to get the gist of how I react to the world. I will not understand how I do things incorrectly, but I would be able to tell that I did whatever occurred. I wonder what that makes me really.

Oh yeah, the polish’s smell and chemicals were getting to my eyes. Either my mother or me mentioned that the gas mask would be put to use whenever I did such chores.

I fell asleep again after that. I woke up again around nine I believe. Around ten or so, Neko showed up much to my pleasure. I gave her and her sister my “Christmas gift” early. Based on past years, it seems the safest thing to do. In turn, and much to my surprise, she sent me a birthday gift they made for me. I guess I am still not used to the idea, because they have sent me things before. Well, when two rolled around I shooed her off because of the possibility of her going to school. The rest of the night I worked on the epilogue of my story. I had not felt pleased with the ending of it, but did not know what to do about it for the longest time. It came to me that night. I got to work on it and finished around three or four. I went to bed then.

My mother woke me an hour later on Monday morning to give me my medication. I fell asleep again after that. Almost all of the daylight hours were spent sleeping. Time awake was merely spent on cleaning. I did go back to look over the Epilogue written, since I did not the night before. It seemed to make sense. Oh yeah, and Kyle is a cool little bastard and I love him despite he is not actually little anymore. Damn him as well. Ah, love-hate…

I saw Neko that night and had a splendid time seeing her; despite we were our usual selves, meaning lack of conversation. I showed her some pictures I had sketched up and inked. They were nothing great; as I have not the patience for such things anymore – not that those works were considerably great either… But! I showed her them anyway. To my pleasure, she likes how I draw eyes. That is something I care about putting time in when drawing. We piddled after that and eventually I shooed her off to bed since she and her sister had their last exams looming over them the next day. I wished her luck.

I went to bed not too long after and woke again around five when my mother gave me my medication and some vitamins. I remained there for an hour… I do not remember why though. Well, I arose and hit to doing my chores. Dusting day, oh what a joy it is. Heh. After I finished with that, my mother wished me a happy birthday I believe… She gave me the books I had requested from my father. I was quite delighted at the sight of them and thanked her. For some reason she did a little ditty saying happy birthday in a singsong like voice and then explained she could not sing. I made some sort of comment that likely dealt with gratefulness that she did not.

I did some laundry and then headed for my room to skim through one of the books, which was more of a picture book comprised of pictures from an art exhibition. It was decent. Around the time my mother took leave, which was likely around seven I got to work on the longest book I got. It was somewhere in the four hundreds. I read it until four-twenty, with occasional stops in between for a shower, food, chores or letting the dog out. In the end, I was quite pleased with the book.

I took a nap when ten-forty rolled around and woke again around two-forty. Would you not know it? The net decided to f— with me just a minute or so before I awoke. I know this because CP tried contacting me and before the signal was cut off, it read the time the message was sent. Signing on was not allowed for me on anything net related. I noted this to my brother, since he was awake. When I was coherent enough again to consider my actions, I felt some guilt. He works hard during the night. He does not need the Internet being a pain to add onto his night. I get the feeling though, that if I told him to go back to what he was doing, he’d keep on trying to fix the problem until it is fixed or he has to give up.

I lounged in the living room for a while, waiting to either wake up or fall asleep. I ended up waking up. I saw something at the corner of my eye again. It was white again. Last time it happened was when I was passing my mother’s brightly lit bathroom. It was not shadows playing trick on me. The whole area was too bright. I swore I had seen a man in there though. He was pale and such, but I saw a human nonetheless. I of course ignored this because it was early morning, my mother had just left the room and I have had a history of this sort of thing thinking it was normal.

This time it was not as big. I was in the living room, as said. In a shadowed corner next to me what where I saw it. I thought it might have been my cat, since he was white. No… No, it was not. My cat was nowhere in sight. I looked all around the chair I was in and scanned the room. That cat had not been in there. After checking over again, I decided to write about it tonight. It was bothering me badly.

Huh. I always write this stuff out now. No wonder I keep up this thing. Despite 99.9% of the time it is utter bull, when the things that start bugging me occur, I can write it in this with ease out of habit. That is comforting I guess. Yeah. I remember now. I started writing because no one was there to talk to or tell things to. Either my friends did not understand me (which made sense considering I was bi-polar at the time so of course they did not understand someone such as I), or the person would be asleep and I was not very trusting back then anyway. Ah, therapy…

Well, I’ll quit this now. I have been writing things in more detail, as seen in my last entry. That is because I did something different last time. I typed out things that happened during the week into notepad and by then end of a week I posted it. I’m doing that now, but the cycle broke with the little number on the white-thing. Well, that was necessary. I still feel somewhat uneasy about it, I think, despite I wrote it out to ease my mind some.

Anyway, back to what was being noted. I am changing how I approach my way of journal writing. The reason is that my memory is dwindling more. I am sure I will have Alzheimer when older – huh, my brother gave up just now (3:19). My memory is worse and worse. I will be doing something like chores, for instance. I’ll be taking out the trash and as I step out the door I remind myself, that I will need to replace the trash bag when I reenter, but then I note that I’ll likely forget after I enter again in just a minute. True to what I have come to find, I forget. I go off and leave the trashcan now empty of a trash bag and go off to do something else. The next time I enter the kitchen does it come to me again that I need to replace the bag. It happens with laundry and the like.

It happens even with food. I will cook something because I actually feel hunger right then. I forget about the food soon enough after I start cooking it. An hour or so later, maybe longer, do I remember it. I think that is the main reason I am leery of stoves and ovens. Not only do I burn myself due to my careless head, I tend to forget that I was using it. That is not a good combination. I avoid learning how to cook properly because of such as well.

I think I will go to sleep after I eat. I am starting to feel tired again, I think. Part of me has belief that the reason I do not think as much or write out my thoughts as much as I used to is due to sleep. I sort it all out in my head, I assume. I would not know, since I do not remember dreams that much anymore, but I am sure I likely have them. Besides, I was lying down just now. I was thinking odd thoughts about if I may be loony. For all I know I could be making my entire family up or something. They could all be a figment of my version of reality… or maybe I am not real… not exactly. Maybe I am lacking sleep. Maybe I was more affected by the white-thing than I thought. Maybe I am simply thinking too much again… I swear my mother gave me my medicine though…

Oh well.

I went to bed close to four and awoke again around six on Wednesday morning for my pills. Eating did not seem appeasing, so 3/4 a waffle was wasted. I waited until seven to rise and I hit to cleaning. I then later read my other book, I think around eight. I finished it about two hours later. It was cool enough. I did some writing and then resumed sleeping again after I took a shower. I believe it was around ten by then. I woke again around one, I believe, and worked on writing some and then did two more sketches.

It is unanimous; I cannot draw that of the male sex. All of them turn out looking like pretty boys or boyish girls. Oh well. It was a bit amusing with one drawing though, since the guy likely would have been a pretty BOY, but he looked freakishly like a girl. Oops.

I did other chores after that, like vacuuming, since my brother was in the shower. I always try to do that sort of stuff when he is gone, and since he sleeps most of the day and then watches television… Well, I hate disturbing him.

Wednesday to Thursday morning is a blur. I know I did stuff, I just do not remember. I think it had something to do with organizing as well as all those ridiculous drawings I keep. I did my chores and stayed up until around eight I think. I slept until around one or two. I did more chores and then took a shower. The dog ruined the carpet again, after I cleaned the bloody thing yesterday. I dislike dogs greatly for such. Oh well.

The rest of the day was spent scanning in pictures. Interestingly enough I joined DA of all things. I think I gave in because I hated deleting things… and I am paranoid of ever losing things I hold dear. I only have a small portion of all my BS up, but it is fine with me. This will be a long and enduring process. I’ll likely lose sleep over it though. Damn. Oh well.

I am going to finish this now. I likely will be too preoccupied for this journal for a while.

~ Ciao.

I seem to be more sensitve to temperature these days…

Saturday was spent in San Marcus or somewhere near there. It was a shopping trip for my mother. For one, she needed shoes. In addition, she has work parties and such going on. Secret Santa or something similar to that seems to be a theme as well as the usual “get you co-workers gifts” thing. My mother found the endeavor not as fruitful as she would have wished and struck out many times. She did get one gift for someone, though as well as a cup with a cardinal on it for a souvenir. She loves cardinals. I spotted a music box that I took a fancy to. My mother automatically figured she would get it for me as an early birthday gift much to my surprise. I likely should have argued. Oh well. I admit, I did like it enough to get it, but I had already requested what I wished for to my father, which was a request for a few books. My brother and I got shirts and other than that, I do not think we got anything else.

When finished we were all hungry or thirsty. We stopped at the Outback Steakhouse. It was my first time to go there. I was rather leery, as usual since I have a very finicky stomach. It went well enough though. All of us found our food to be exceptional. I did not finish my meal, but I blame that one the three classes of Sprite, the bread and the appetizer my brother ordered. When done we headed for home and did not return until somewhere in the hour of eight.

To my amusement, my brother found a package in the mail. Neither my mother or he knew what it was. He began opening it when I entered. Apparently, the package was a book I requested for. My birthday was ten days away. My brother tried to hide it from my view, but I already knew what book it was. Now he is hiding it from me somewhere. It does not matter. I am not one to snoop.

I hit the bed at nine and woke again somewhere from eleven to one. I cannot recall. To my surprise, I found my mother awake when I meandered into the kitchen later on. I do know I missed Eileen. She made an appearance whilst I was still out and about an hour or so away from home. I never saw her that night. I stayed up until somewhere between four to seven. I cannot remember.

My mother gave me my medicine at some point, probably nine, and admitted her terrible sleep the night before. Her problems were aching legs and such. That surprised me. She works out. I only do crunches. I thought I would be the one with the sore muscles or the like. I must be in better shape than I thought.

I remained awake for a while. I took a shower, read and did the minimum chores since it was the weekend. I took a nap again, since my sleeping is erratic as such. I awoke again around two to three. We went off to a town full of shops. My mother decided to try there since the previous day was a disappointment for her.

We neared there around four, but that was the closing time for most of them. My mother thought we went for nothing, but we stuck around. She found two shops that worked to her favor. She also let me get three children books from my childhood. She claimed they would be another birthday gift. I argued that even if it were not the holidays she would likely have let me have them anyway.

Much to her delight, she bought the gifts for her fellow workers in two stops. When that was concluded we went home. During it, my mother called my sister. From the sound of it, their conversation was rather pleasant, which pleased me. When it ended, my mother even used the word pleasant much to my amusement. We got back around five and went into our usual routines. I cleaned up some, my brother ran two errands for my mother and she did whatever she does.

Monday was average really, so there is not much to say there other than that poor CP was likely exhausted. The girls are in their last week of this semester, and by god do I remember how that was. They are taking a full course. I would croak over that. I wish them luck on their exam scores and hope they make it through this holiday. It is a sad time for them.

Tuesday morning I had a run in with three spiders in less than five minutes. I let two of them live. They are small and likely harmless. The reason one did not make it is that it was in the sink. If it is in an inconvenient place, that is what happens. Other than that, I suppose the day went on as usual. I did post something on the WP, just a note in regards to clarifications.

Then I later wrote a scene for the “never-ending story”. My character is not just my creation, but is my obsession it seems. I admitted that to Erin Tuesday night. I also admitted to her, it surprised me she and her sister could still be entertained by my constant talk about it as though the characters were real. To my – is it relief? Happiness? Something? Whatever it is, she responded that the characters have become something she knows like how she does me. She said it surprised her as well, how she took to them. It relieves me to know I am not becoming annoying in such aspects. As said, it is something of an obsession.

Those I have become close friends with would know. This started far back when I was little. I have a thing for delving. I did it first with things like mythology and symbolism. Eventually that no longer held enough interest and then I moved to my friends. I had to know all that I could. In the end, I realized such is not possible to the extent I yearned for. I could never truly learn all I wanted. I then moved to myself, but ended with the same conclusion… perhaps worse, since I really do not understand things easily. I still do question such things, and usually require aid of others. Kyle or my mother could certainly acknowledge that due to my questioning them whenever a thought comes up and leaves me curious.

Now with the story, my characters have become the prime subjects for my analyzing. I enjoy it immensely. Through the few stories I have written, I found most pleasure in the characters I have royally screwed over. I do not think it is necessarily a sadistic means. I doubt I would ever be that way. The reason would be that it makes things even more complex. The more I understand about humans – as odd as that may sound – the more I add onto the story.

The main character is perhaps freakishly complex and if I ever end the story, which seems unlikely until I downright die, she would perhaps be almost as real as a human as so much text will allow. The second main character is not as complex, but grows noticeably from what I am told. There are others, but they are of lesser complexities, and I am aware of that. Maybe over time, they will reach “higher levels”…

Wednesday was Wednesday. I did my chores, it was cold out, I did more chores, and it was still cold out. I read as usual and at some point, maybe late afternoon did I start drawing. Most of the day was penning, inking, scanning and then coloring on the computer. I did two pictures. The first was nothing of importance, just something that would not get out of my head. The second one was one of those “spur of the moment” things, which are the ones I love most. It took many hours. It was worth it. The time in between, my mother came home early, I did more chores, and around six or something, pizza was ordered. Good times.

I had cheesecake tonight! It was cool! Well, actually I said delightedly, “This is neat!” I revel in my oddness. I have never had cheesecake until tonight. I am sure I would have remembered cheesecake before if I had. I declared it my favorite dessert, to my mother’s amusement since I am not one for desserts anyway. I do not tend to get desserts after meals even.

Why tonight? Well, we had nothing to eat at home – well my mom did not, I still had a few things going sparse fast. We tried out a small Italian restaurant. I found it nice. The place was small, relatively quiet… I think it could house at most forty people. She had her infamous eggplant Parmesan as usual and I tried the ravioli. She said it was the best she ever had and I found my meal pleasant enough. I also found the small dinner outing “fun”.

Other than the dinner, today went as it usually does, really. I woke up early. Sadly, I had left CP earlier than usual because of that. I woke to find her farewell to me blinking on the computer. Poor thing.

Well, after getting up I did my chores, talked to my mother some, she left, I piddled. Major chore was hand cleaning the kitchen floor. I use bleach. I am insane. This is because I have very sensitive eyes, and if I am near it too long, my eyes become red and greatly irritated. I took a shower to wash away the fumes, and then read. The rest of the day went as usual.

Tomorrow my dad will be coming down and will be here around noon. He intends us to go to the grocery store as soon as he is here. Later on, around six he and my mother will be going to her work’s Christmas party. He will stay down here until Sunday.

I guess that is all.

~I am cold…

The Nyx that Smiles Back…

The Advertising Slogan Generator‘s take on the word/name Nyx:

All You Need is a Nyx and a Dream.
That one makes sense… O.o…

Silly Rabbit, Nyx is for Kids.
That is wrong… so wrong…

Don’t Be Vague. Ask for Nyx.
That also makes sense… or it does to me.

Nothing Works Better Than a Nyx.
I beg to differ.

The Nyx Of Paradise.
That is an intriguing thought.

The Nyx that Smiles Back.
Now that is just scary.

Feel The Raw Naked Nyx Of The Road.
Oh, god that is wrong. Nevertheless, I am laughing.

Tomorrow we are going shopping. It will be more of a languid outing. It is not necessarily Christmas shopping, but if we see something that screams out a family member’s name, then yes. My mother is going mainly to find gifts for her fellow workers. I am going to kill time. I am not too certain about my brother… maybe he is the same in my case.

A week from today my dad will be down here again. My mother is going to a work party that day and wanted him to come along. He will leave on Sunday though. Poor Dad. However, he will be moving into his apartment tomorrow! I hope that he will be happier once that is settled.

After that, my birthday will be coming up, which is odd. I suppose I am impartial to the day. I do not dread, nor to I anticipate it. To me it is another day. After that my brother’s birthday will come around and eventually Christmas. If there is anything else for this month, I am unaware.