I occasionally have what I call “vindictive” dreams. They aren’t nightmares, as far as I know, but I often have a moment in the dream where I “snap”. These usually occur in my dreams where the setting is school like or is definitely at a school. During them, a person annoys me, says something that is likely mean or something that threatens me in some sense and I react.
In the farthest one I can recall at the moment some girl was in the room, saying things… eventually I rose from my chair and yelled at her… or maybe I hit her. I am uncertain as to whether it was one or both.
In the most recent one, things were piling up. I think in it my friends were betraying me. Eventually some girl apparently broke the straw. She was saying something that was obviously cruel while up close to me. It was in one of those snide whispers. In the dream I moved forward and snatched hold of her bottom lip with my teeth. I remember trying to bite it off her.
As said, they come only on occasion, but I note them to my mother. Heh. Her response was that she thought she should bring it up next time we see my psychiatrist. I told her that during my later days of recovering from a springtime cold; therefore, I cannot really remember all that she said. In any case, it was along the lines of… the doctors have always looked into things, diagnosed and such but the pin point of the issue is still not fully addressed. In any case she thinks I might suffer a bit from PTSD.
That threw me for a loop. In fact it rather amused and confused me. I believe I asked her how she came to conclude that. She asked me if I knew… the symptoms or signs of PTSD I think. At the time thinking, recalling and absorbing were not my strong points. Well, she explained something about… what makes it develop and all the cases dealt with feelings of helplessness. However, for all I know, I may just be saying the completely wrong thing in this due to it all being utterly foggy. Oops.
Thinking back on it, I could not help but think of Kyle. He’s made note about how my mom keeps looking for diagnostic answers for why I am the way I am. The word guinea pig comes to mind. I recall also noting to him that I don’t mind really. She’s listening to what I say and she tries to help me the best she can. For me, it is interesting to learn about such things and it gives her and me something to talk about. Who is to say what is right and what is wrong?
Well, I got my haircut on the 25th. It is the shortest it has been in a long time, which is up to mid-ear. After that my mom and I ate lunch around two or so and headed to check out the house. After cutting down some bushes, she and I headed out to see my sister, but due to traffic that never happened. So, she and I stopped at Starbucks an got some tea before heading home.
Saturday was a blur, really. I remember getting groceries. I put flea preventative on the cats. It rained, but did not hail like the other night before.
Sunday was cold. My dad and I headed to Wal-Mart due to my screen being a bitch for a couple of days. I bought it and reached the lowest line I’ve been financially. Apparently it WAS the video card this time. Oh, well. The screen I was using was a hand down that my brother replaced because it had gone completely black on him no matter what he did to fix it.
So, my dad went back to buy a video card, but it wasn’t the right kind. Heh. My brother saved the day by taking one out of an old computer of his. So, my dad likely took the one of no use back.