Good, bad and neutral…

Well, I do not think much went on the past week. Only thing notable I can recall was seeing Dr. G on Monday with the pill plan proving successful. She gave us something, we left and that is about it.

Somewhere in the week I did go over my story a bit. Yeah, it is “complete”, but I know there are still plot holes. They were just cases I could not find a way to sneak in the explanation to certain occurrences. It is still vague, but a better sense has been left, I think.

Despite doing loans, I decided to buy some books and DVDs I’ve had on a list since probably back to my high school years. Yeah, I ration. The trigger was a DVD that usually costs twenty-five bucks going down to ten. I had to go for it.

The same scenario went along at some other place. Two DVDs that usually cost about 22 dollars a piece were put together in a pack for about ten bucks. Hell, yeah I’m going to get it. I’m so dorky.

Um… my dad came down during the weekend. It was a good visit. It was pretty much the same as always really. Come Sunday my eldest brother journeyed down to join us for dinner. Damn, the potatoes rocked that night.

The only sour note occurred when I was just waking up from a nap. My brother was talking to Mom and Dad about the house’s gas bill and how he could not pay it. Despite he admitted to his lack of good financial decisions played in, that did not solve the case of money. So, sadly my father had to pay.

Monday was the day misfortune befell my mom. Her ankle is sprained. She thought it was her Achilles tendon, but we now think otherwise. She did something to it through yoga. She just did a move wrong somehow. It did not bother her that day, but by Monday morning she woke up limping. Poor, poor Mom… she went to work regardless.

I swear she gets more injuries while doing things that is supposed to be good for her health than otherwise. She did say that that particular ankle had caused her problems since she was around twelve though… so… who knows?

Oh, yeah… my brother has issues with his tennis… elbows? I think that is the word to describe it. He had to see the doctor on Monday around nine or ten. He’s on anti-inflammatory medicine now. It is likely due to his job.

Later on my father and I went out to do some errands. One dealt with my eldest brother and his license… what it was, I have no idea. Then there was something that dealt with me. We had to go to the SSA building.

As mentioned elsewhere in this journal, due to retirement coming up, my father found good news in my financial future. Well, he was called on Saturday or he called there and something was worked out so that Tuesday I would be called by a woman there and be asked questions. That made me nervous enough that it showed well and my father wished to try to get it done while being here.

That did not work out. No one could really help us… so… after much talking, with my mother included by phone despite she was a work, we worked something out. My mother took off half a day today and came home. I figured that was good after she told me it was acceptable due to having vacation time still backed up and that it was half a day… I think. Yes, it is not clear to me, but it was something like that.

The rest of the day carried on and then night came. I stayed up late and talked to Kyle this morning during the ungodly hours. At a single moment, something struck me. I considered him family. I mean, I take to him as family from what I can see. In how long our relationship has been… about seven years now, I have always acted with him as though he were my family.

Friendship is an odd word in my case. I had trouble seeing him as a friend when we met and I have trouble calling him a friend even now. However, I have noticed… family… yes.

With friends, I never could pour out my thoughts and issues. I was able to do that with him. A friend to me was a person who poured out all their problems to me and then suddenly seemed to forget I existed until they needed a bartender again.

Kyle though… even though I did the pouring, I always ended up telling him I was sorry for telling him my problems, especially since they were usually always the same issue. I guess… I did not want him to feel like I was using him like how my friends made me feel like when they used me.

Even now, when we do not really talk and just exchange a few words once in a while…

Well, that was when I realized he was always like family to me and that we act how I know family to be. I’m very much this way with those I am closest to. I’m relatively distant.

Usually if I ever talk much, it is over my medical psyche, the troubles of others I know, and just hearing someone else’s day. Once in a while there will be reminisce. Overall though, I usually am just shut up in my room and doing my usual activities or I am keeping the house tidy.

Spending time with family usually means doing errands or watching television together as far as I am concerned. There is not much talking there on my part most of the time. Pretty much… I think it is the same with Kyle.

He was busy with something, so I kept quiet the rest of the time and eventually left to take a shower. While away, I thought about my wall. “Thank you, Shreddery… for still coming by once in a while and standing on the other side of it.”

I found it interesting that… he was still there. I found it interesting that I was no longer feeling paranoia and telling myself that he was going to leave since that is what everyone before had done. I found it interesting that I did not even think. All I did was have a subconscious feeling, “I see him as family.”

Anyway, when I returned he had turned in for the night? Maybe went to class? I really do not know. Saying goodbye is not often a custom between us. I think I went to sleep after that. Yeah. I woke at nine and got up at ten because the A/C was down low so I did not want to leave my warm covers. I did chores and later had a headache. I rested for a while until one o’clock came and my mother came home.

Well, no call occurred until maybe three or so. The woman said she would call at one-thirty. Evil. Well, I mainly said, “Uh”, “Yes” and “Okay”. I likely looked bewildered to my mother and I was getting one of my “phone” headaches. It was good that my mother was there… because some things were very… Well, I did not remember the conversation clearly, let us say that.

I eventually said something that directed the woman to speaking with my mother after everything was settled. While they talked, I just sort of went into a fog and stared at our orange cat like a nut, I guess.

So… it seems I am an “Adult disabled child”. No longer under… whatever it is I was before… maybe it was just that SSI they would say every once in a while… Well, my mother explained I was now going to Medicaid under the state rather than the federal government.(Can you tell I wrote some of this down in notes? No? Oh well. I did.)

From what I understand, due to my father no longer working and thus no longer getting the income we are accustomed to, certain expenses or whatever that dealt with me would not be covered or some sort… (I could be completely stirring up a nonexistent theory though) so I am getting more than I did before due to this.

My mother said the woman’s words had something about me being “entitled to higher benefits” since I’ll be under his retirement record. If you don’t get the gist, pretty much I’m as lost in this matter as I was in Spanish class. I pick up a few words, get a vague idea in some areas and that is it. Lo siento. No comprende.

So… I should be getting… about twice the amount of money than before come November when my father’s retirement is all set up and he is able to move down here. As usual, my parents were ecstatic at the good news. It puts them at ease to know that I will likely do well enough financially for my life time come the future. Mom said my dad was near in tears from relief/happiness/something. Well, at least they had some good news for once.

Me? Well, as my mom told my dad on the phone… my reaction was the usual about the news. “She’s like, ‘So?’” I corrected her that I was more along the lines of, “…okay?” I mean, it is a relief. I will say that. Now I don’t have to worry (well, cynically predict and tell myself to prepare for) life on the streets as a nutcase without medication who lives off trash.

I mean… What am I supposed to do? Jump up and down, go yippity-doo-dah-day and think up how I’m going to spend my money? Uh… no. I’m not the sort. I really intended to give half of my income to my parents to help in house payments, but my mother was against that… She says I’ll just work my way and likely pay only two-hundred. Well, I’ll just write three then.

Mom also says maybe I’ll be able to make up a savings account some day. Okay. I shrug. She also made note that it would be useful that I do as I do… after all, should my family (particularly my parents) befall too much of a financial crisis, I’ll be able to help during those times. I’m fine with that then.

Why all the thoughts of giving my parents a good share of the money? I live under their house; they helped and guided me in all of this. Pretty much, other than my mother’s note about my therapist mentioning the SSI to her in the first place and my medically proven disability, none of this would have been possible…

I have no idea where I am going on this now. Damn… Um…

Well… I guess that is it. My mind has suddenly gone blank… sort of… Right…

“Small” Gifts…

Huh. I know I am not so in tune with the simple things in regards to sentimentality, or whatever this case was… but it seemed to mean enough for my mother. We were talking about my sister and her two-weeks of silence towards them. That led to her emotional abuse towards the family and all that loveliness.

Something was said that resulted in me responding, “I’m glad you adopted me.”

I guess that lightened her heart some. She had this sort of awe in her voice, not terribly obvious, but there. She said she never really heard than from any of my other siblings. It seems I am the first. That is pretty sad.

Oh… right… she was saying that maybe she should have been a stay home mom and not worked. She then told me how even after birthing my eldest brother she had to go right back to work though. She might have mentioned in there how my sister could have remained in the land of her birth.

Anyway, the problem with her staying home though is that if she had we never would have been adopted. I then told her I was glad I had been adopted into the family. Yeah, it certainly is not perfect, and earlier today I had shown resentment towards my sister, but I am overall happy that I was taken in here.

I’ve never really been curious about my birth origins. The most I have ever wanted to know is why I was put up for adoption, but I do not take for granted the parents I have now. I know I’ve had my share of bitching and complaining about some things when it came to the family, but that is just how it is with families no matter what kind of setting, I think.

Looking at other scenarios, I know I am pretty damn lucky to have wound up here. Plenty have parents aren’t even willing to try to understand them. Some don’t want to understand them. Others want nothing to do with their kids.

My mom probably knows better about such scenarios than me since she deals with people who had the worst sort of childhoods in this great old race of ours. I don’t hear likely even one percent of what she hears, but I know… I’m a lucky son of a gun. It is a shame my sister does not realize how lucky she is too.

Posted in AIR

The “All-Knowing” Sibling…

Well, this entry will begin quite bluntly. This is about learning the “mystery” of sex. Heh, not exactly though. Where the hell did this come from and why on this? I need to rant out something that always bothered me about my sister. Yeah, same old tune, but if it does not get out, I’ll stew.

How did this come along? Water heaters. Yeah. I was in the shower, wondered about the water heater and then automatically thought of how my mother told me the other day how when older I’d likely need to live in a condominium.  I love my flighty mind.

Look at condominium. Take away half of the letters. Yeah. It reminded me of my sister. Not like that, you pervert. She and I were watching a comedy one day and a vapid joke about condoms came up. I laughed and my sister apparently thought I was too ignorant to understand the joke.

She asked me if I knew what a god damn condom was. I floundered on that and she automatically assumed I really had no clue. Thus she told me how she hated those who acted like they knew what was going on just to fit in. Sorry, Sis, but maybe I did not feel comfortable telling you, “It is protection that is stuck on a guy’s dick before a couple have sex.”

It happened before. A song was playing on the radio and I was lightly singing along with it. My sister turns and asks me if I even knew what the song was about. The same old tune and I felt more resentment for her. Why in the world did she think I’d be comfortable about talking about anything sexual with her?

Yeah, I was young, but I likely knew all the sex crap before she did. No, I am not a sex-fiend. I just learned early in life.

My sister even dragged me to her room one day to give me the “talk” with one of her friends for help. Pretty much I was uncomfortable and not amused. Eventually I said in the middle of it, “I already know.” I think I even bluntly told her the fine points in a simple sentence. She was blown away.

She then of course did that accusatory look. How did I know? I shrugged and said I just knew. I knew probably since I was seven. She asked me if I had watched something like porno. God… Maybe I just knew more than her and she just did not need to bother? Why the hell did she care anyway?

Yeah. Well, that is the rant.

Snip and a Haircut…

Well, yesterday was long. Mother and I left home around ten I think? I had woken at eight, took a shower, ate and got myself “packed”. I have started bringing my Discman (Aren’t I just ancient?) and some CDs. They always end up being the same ones.

I stuffed them in my messenger bag, something I have not used in almost a year, a journal and a bottle of water. I tend to have an amount of time to kill when there. My mom bleaches her hair and then gets it cut, so that takes about three hours while I take thirty minutes. Har.

Well, the two hour drive was full of talking actually. It might have been because I did not sleep well the night before, thus I was loopy. Loopy means I’ll talk a lot. I thought I had told her about the weird dude from my childhood. I wrote about him and placed it up n my site, actually. I call him the “Watcher”.

Yeah, though… I thought I told her about him in better detail like I had in my small “tribute” to him. I guess I did not. So I told her things when they came to mind. His looks, how he talked to himself, all that jazz. It seems she had a completely different visual. Oh well.

I think she was a bit surprised with how nonchalant I was about talking about him… considering he sounded freaky and scary. Well, I got used to him. He was a regular occurrence and he did not do anything to me, so yeah. I see him as just another odd memory of my youth.

We spoke of a few other things, but I really cannot remember them, I fear. I know we spoke of my dad, a bit about the family members… other than that… no.

We got to the state capitol and as usual it was packed with traffic. It is one of the highly populated areas of the state. My mother showed agitation, not like other members of my family, but I could tell through subtle signs.

We arrived in good time nonetheless. She and I stopped by Lens Crafters at the mall, but soon her hair appointment got in the way, so she said she’d return later. We split ways then, since mine would not begin until another 45 minutes.

Since I was on the top level, I hit a movies/music store.  I had jotted down a few movies and their prices. As the case stood, I’d get a better deal getting them online, so I left the place soon after.

I killed most of my time in the book store. It is not of wide selection or variety, and I usually never find anything I am looking for, but I go anyway. I pulled my journal out and looked around for two books I jotted down, with titles and prices listed on the ‘net. One I never found, which the usual case was. I found the second one and saw it was a decent enough deal, so bought it after browsing the entire store – a ritual.

I checked the time and decided to head to the hair place. I still had twenty minutes o kill though, so I headed to Earth Bound. I never find anything I would by there either, but I go anyway. I tend to be hopeful that some day I’ll find something and for the other case, it is just to look.

I soon had to leave. Half of my hair was chopped off and I told my usual hair dresser about my household’s state as of late. When through, I paid and left back for the EB store. Getting a thorough look, I actually did get something though I knew it was not practical and that I would have nowhere to put it.

I wished to get a stainless steel ring, but damn it, I was not going to pay the amount for such a small thing. Anyway, I talked with a girl who had been working there for only three weeks. It was pleasant. I eventually left, checked on my mother’s progress and then left for the bench outside the salon to kill time.

I did not think I’d been in the mood for reading, but the book was light, amusing and did not really take so much of my concentration. Usually I immerse myself in books, must have silence and read through it with little to no breaks. This book was different.

I has settled myself at a table with two chairs a walk away from the salon since the damn bench was taken. Took out my music to block out the rest of the mall and read. I remember laughing and likely making facial reactions. I read up almost to chapter four before I decided to check on my mother again, since it was nearing four by then.

She was still getting the finishing touches, thus her hair was still wet. I found my body was freezing and covered in goose bumps then as well, since my mind was not preoccupied. I settled in an unoccupied salon chair and resumed what I had been doing before as I waited.

Soon they were done. We left to finish up my mother’s business in the Lens Crafter’s place and then left. Thank god. I was hungry by then. It has been eight hours and thirty minutes spent only drinking water.

We ate at Soup and salad. It is a great little place. I usually just get some cold pasta, without the additional salad embellishments. They have breads and these cool tortilla crust pizzas. I often get a breadstick or two and a few cheese slices. For the first time I even got some soup, but it might have been because it was minestrone. I have had not had that in a long time.

The interesting thing is, I actually went back for a second helping of soup and a breadstick. Yeah, ever since summer, my appetite has slowly grown. Now I have been eating three meals a day. It relieves my mother and likely others, but it freaks me out.

What can be said? It has been determined that change does not usually bode well with me. Well, this was one of those times. It bothers me. Sure, it is the healthy thing, but when have I ever abided to normalcy in health concerns? Well, I go with it.

When done, Mom and I left to visit my great aunt. I love her like she is my grandmother. I guess it is because I never really knew mine. She died when I was around eleven, I believe. Anyway, the traffic was terrible. I figured it was a four cornered thing. One, this is summer. Two, it was Friday. Three it wasfive o’clock. Four, we are Irish – a joke no one understands other than me. Heh.

Well, we finally got to our destination an hour and a half latter, a trip that usually takes twenty minutes. It was short, but pleasant. We talked. Lillian made cake, and we politely took a slice each. Mom relayed the “Egyptian Plagues of July 2007” to her with my occasional inputs to help her recall correctly. There was much amusement and laughing. My “aunt”, but actually Mother’s cousin, came by the time we were in the middle of talking about the rat my mother named “Willard” – some sort of book character she said. The conversation went on and I learned that my great aunt was fearless about snakes and rats, unlike my mother. Heh. She will kill snakes. An ax or hoe and she will dice it until it cannot be recognized.

Well, we had to leave soon. One it was getting dark. Two, Lillian was starting to get tired, according to my mom. I don’t notice such things I fear. My great aunt suffered from the loss of her husband, as I mentioned somewhere in this. He was “Uncle Benny” to me. That is one case. The other part is she has heart problems.

I really do believe she enjoyed the visit though. I’m glad for that.

Well, my mom and I set off then. It was around seven thirty. She decided to take me down memory lane with her. We went to see where the house she grew up in was and she talked about her childhood. I appreciated the rural sights. It was very nice. After that, we were on the highway headed for home.

Somehow we got back to talking about that lucid figment of mine again. She once more is reminded that there was much she never realized about me when I was a child. I once again observed that I have a strange mind, odd reactions and that apparently things I never think of as important to my psyche are missing puzzle pieces that help solve my… problems at being normal? In any case, in the process we also made more discoveries about my childhood and what was really going on. I’m not too sure, but okay. She’s the expert on mental cases.

It seems most of my mania showed in my childhood. Then by middle school it sort of took the form of how one really views a bi-polar person. After that it became more depression focused. Okay then. How nice.

Well, soon we came to be home, we dallied a bit, like putting things up. I spent time with all the cats to make up for not being able to see them that day and then headed for bed. ‘Took a shower and hit the pillows.

I woke up mid morning today, ate something, but found my head was too out of it. I lay back down and had a light snooze, I think. When I got up it was around one, perhaps? I did chores, found a lake of dog piss in the dining room and worked on that lovely issue. My mom finally came back from getting her nails done. We ate respective lunches and then went grocery shopping. The day was long.

After putting everything up, my mother admitted to possibly requiring a nap. I said I would likely lie down as well, but would instead read. It seems our predictions rang true. I finished that book, and it was very good. It remained a light read. I needed no deep concentration and… well… I was not mentally drained after it. It was surprising.

When I went to add it to my shelf of all my read books, I discovered another thing. It did not really go along with any of my other books. Most of the books that were of similar genre were grim or some other case that… well… it made me notice I am still extremely solemn.

Well, that is all. I started this after reading the book, checking the laundry and settled here. I know naught of any real occurrences coming along in the future other than obvious or already mentioned. Interesting.

Money, money, money…

Well, I saw Wynne on Friday. There was not much to talk about. I got refills on my meds. A check was written for $45 and the next time I’ll see her will be sometime in December.

My father came down for his twice monthly visit around two that day as well. We ate out at a Mexican restaurant. Saturday morning we went grocery shopping and on Sunday my eldest brother dropped by. We had a family dinner, minus my sister.

She is… being bitchier than usual and decided to have nothing to do with the family right now. Sadly, my brother and I thought, “Good.” My parents and second brother did not voice anything, but I have the feeling they underwent the same sentiments.

Um… my mother’s back window broke again. (About the same time the previous year the same window broke.) It occurred on Sunday morning. This time however, we have no idea what the cause was… so…

Oh, and due to money issues, as written about before in this journal, I’m helping her pay for it. She has my checkbook on her now since it is in her name as well. She says she and my father will pay me back in a week or so. Thus… my bank account will be at the lowest it has ever been here.

It seems this summer is the summer for car problems. I think every single car under this household’s name has undergone something in the lines of “the worst of luck.” Thank god I am too paranoid and such to drive.

Anyway… nothing really comes to mind this week. My dad might come down again though and my mother and I will go to the capital for out three month haircuts. Oh, and my father stopped by some place here about his retirement. I cannot really remember the details. In any case, in something he filled out, it asked if there was any one under disability. Well, hello, my name is…

Yeah, the case is, something gave indication that I am eligible for more that I am getting. I, of course, do not really care. I’m fine as I am now. It is that and I am paranoid over anything that might be “too good”. Maybe I just do not understand the matter.

In any case, they said they would need to talk to me. I believe my mom was informed by my dad that he said that I required others to talk for me. That is utterly true. I just wish I remember the wording.

Uh… I’m taking a break from DA. When things that are supposed to be for leisure become a chore it is best to take a break. My huge explosion of “creativity” is finally dying down I believe, which is likely a good thing. If it continued my health likely would be in jeopardy.

Oh… in news of “dread”, my eldest brother will likely drop his cat into our laps. It will be temporary, but I fear what might happen. Territory, spraying, cat fights, furniture clawed… Yes. We have enough animals. I know. I’m the cleaner.

Oh well.

* Mainly Doing Projects…

Whoo… I cannot remember enough of the past week, but… I do know I got a lot done.

My project is finished enough to the point I decided to put it up by a certain date, which was July, 7, 2007. Hey, how could I pass that one up?

* Um… Saturday, my mother and I searched for electric dog collars. Yeah, people say that is inhumane, but my mother argues that it seems less humane to let the dog get run over. Yeah, the dog has been getting out. We have no idea how since there are no holes dug and we have a tall fence. Thus, this was a last resort. It works so far. The dogs are avoiding the fence. It occurred just once with my mother’s dog and after that, no go.

Sunday is a blur to me, other than that I wrote a short story. Yeah. I wrote two short stories not too long after I finished my project because they would not stop bumping around in my head. One is around ten pages long. It is sort of a new take on the fairytale “The Frog Prince”. Why? I despised the princess in the original tale and thought the prince was stupid for marrying her.

The other is a remake of a retake. Heh. I wrote a story a long time ago titled “Gold”. I lost it however. I missed it, so decided to rewrite it. It is another retelling of a fairytale. This time the tale is Rumpelstiltskin. It is around twenty pages long. I think I enjoy this version better anyway. I finished it this morning. Hu.

Um… Today the Terminex guy is coming again. We have a web worm problem. The constant rain as of late is the possible cause. Anyway, we are infested. I am leery of stepping out even for grocery shopping due to the fact that the damn buggers fall from the trees. So, I’ll be staying up this morning.

Um… This Friday I will be seeing Wynne for what I assume will be a short visit. I’ll pay for something… meds? Perhaps it is for the visit? I don’t quite know. My dad should be coming down this weekend too. It might be Friday, it might be Saturday. I do not know.

That is all I’m writing. I need to leave.

Broke Down Family…

Let us see… I seem to be the best situated out of all my family members.

My sister has graduated and has a degree. She also has gone three months without a job, and does not seem to be getting one anytime soon. Some of that is because she expects to get a high paying job placed in her lap just because she has a degree. The other part is that she will not set her sights lower and take up a low wage job. Also, she has been living with my eldest brother, which is insane since they hate each other.

My eldest brother is going through hell. He has a job he hates that does not pay well and a sister that he is terrified of who makes him feel like shit. I know how that is, except you need to replace the job part with when I was in school. Even though he is four years older than her, she is a terror. He is her opposite much like I am when it comes to personality.

My sister will yell at my parents. She will bitch at anyone. She will call you the cruelest things and not give a damn about it. About the only person she does not do that to is my other brother, but that is because he is not afraid of her, nor does he mind the idea of physically reacting.

Now, with that brother, as said, he borrowed money from me the other night. Well, guess what happened to him today to top that? His empty, parked car got rear ended by an empty car that was running and yet was supposed to be parked. After the incident, the other party ran for his car and took off.

Now, people knew the perpetrator or they got his license plate – something like that. Well it took a while to track him down. The car was not his but his girlfriend’s and then there were other things that went over my head about insurance and the like. All I know is that the other party’s car has the same insurance as ours, so suing is not an option if things do not work out.

Well, my mother gets all of this news. She is in debt and is still trying to catch up, due to the brother with the smashed car stealing tons from her when he was drugged up. She has been late on some payments and the like, I think. She no longer can do the few luxuries she has been able to have done – massage therapy on Thursdays. I say she needs those Thursdays, I really do.

So, with her problems and both my brothers’ issues, she is getting depressed. She needed to talk to someone about it. She makes the mistake, she admits, of calling my father to talk about it.

My father gets upset, he admits t her that he internalizes things. He is codependent. My mom said he was something that started with an “e”. It meant that he helps people cause their own problems. The case is that he helped my brother get the car instead of having him get it on his own. My mother wanted said brother to endure his truck and wait until had had the money saved up. Well, we all know how that went.  

My dad is getting depressed and either he admitted suicidal or my mom is thinking he is getting to that point. I also found out as of late that is drinks a lot. My mom fears, thinks or both that he is an alcoholic. Huge hint was when he said that this just had to be the year he stopped drinking. How nice.

In any case, as one can tell, she came in here and spoke of all these problems to me. She sat on my bed, sniffled and maybe even cried some. I really do not know what to do. Sigh.

It is the luck of the Irish.

My Dorky Brother…

My brother, not the eldest, asked for a loan from me… the sibling who has been considered unfit to work. I swear, it is the greatest irony. I’m the youngest and the dependent. Despite that, I do get a steady income for groceries and medicine.

Well, this is the pathetic thing. My brother comes into my room and asks about a favor – one I should not tell my parents about. As usual, I tell him it depends on the favor. I’m not going to say yes before knowing what it is. Well, he finally stops beating around the bush and tells me.

That car I mentioned? My father helped him get it, I believe. He spoke about something dealing with how he thought he had enough money in his bank account but did not. Dad already wrote the checks, he said this, they did that, blah, blah, blah…

I don’t know why my brother even bothered explaining to me. He knows I don’t understand what the heck he is talking about. That sort of stuff is what causes me unable to function in the real world. I cannot comprehend.

Here was the banana of it all though. Guess what he asked for the loan? $400! I look at him and think that he must be really nuts. I mean, I got my monthly check in the bank just yesterday. My monthly check is pretty much that amount. My god, Bro! I have groceries to buy. I put in my share on the house payments. Mom and Dad are going to notice if I cannot get groceries this month!

I gave him half, though. Yeah, call me a schmuck or whatever. I’m a saver and he owes me. I’m pretty damn sure he’ll pay be back too. Still though… Jeez! Pathetic! Look at me! Look at them! There is something terribly wrong here! Gah!

Oh god help me…

I am really not doing well with the additions here. I am just not a family person I guess. Yeah, yeah… don’t take for granted the time I have with them. I know. Jeez though… I’m cringing, wincing and cursing… Why do they have to talk so much and so loud? God!

Headache and Bows…


I have half of my project “done” and started the website part for it. I really need to return the library books. Sure, I have until the 15th next month, but I just don’t like having them laying around waiting for something to happen to them. I still have books I need to find, but I have a decent amount of the information I was looking for, so I am easing down some.

This passed week my mom had me do extra chores, so that was weighing down my memory. I usually have to do such tasks as soon as I possibly can, lest I forget. Well, some were things I could not do until a certain day, so… yeah.

She also had me help out on something she wishes to give those she works with before they leave. I had twenty five pages of thick paper to hole punch twice with a puncher that hurt my hand every time I tried to press it down. Blah. Then for each one I laced a ribbon through the holes and tied a bow. I find it interesting how my mother has me do this stuff for her when they are her clients.

There was also the cat flea preventive thing to keep in mind. There were only three packets left, and we have five cats. Thus I worked on remembering what cats needed it and that they still needed it. I forgot my cat last time because on the day I put the treatment on the cats, I lost his packet, thus never thought to treat him the next day.

My brother sold his truck and got himself a new car. Gas prices these days, you know. It reminds me of my sister, mom and grandma all at once. The style makes me think of my sister. The color makes me think of my mom’s nails. The color also makes me think of my grandmother’s old car. What can be said? I associate him with a truck. He’s been driving one since I was in middle school.

My dad came down yesterday, so I got my groceries then. My eldest brother and sister came down today just a while ago. My dad came in earlier when I was in bed due to a headache. He got on to me about getting up this time around to see my (eldest) brother. Bah.

Um… in future reference, I see the psychiatrist on the thirteenth this month and some other doctor next month, I think. Some point in November relatives I saw maybe once in my life will be visiting. Joy.