Well, I do not think much went on the past week. Only thing notable I can recall was seeing Dr. G on Monday with the pill plan proving successful. She gave us something, we left and that is about it.
Somewhere in the week I did go over my story a bit. Yeah, it is â€œcompleteâ€, but I know there are still plot holes. They were just cases I could not find a way to sneak in the explanation to certain occurrences. It is still vague, but a better sense has been left, I think.
Despite doing loans, I decided to buy some books and DVDs Iâ€™ve had on a list since probably back to my high school years. Yeah, I ration. The trigger was a DVD that usually costs twenty-five bucks going down to ten. I had to go for it.
The same scenario went along at some other place. Two DVDs that usually cost about 22 dollars a piece were put together in a pack for about ten bucks. Hell, yeah Iâ€™m going to get it. Iâ€™m so dorky.
Umâ€¦ my dad came down during the weekend. It was a good visit. It was pretty much the same as always really. Come Sunday my eldest brother journeyed down to join us for dinner. Damn, the potatoes rocked that night.
The only sour note occurred when I was just waking up from a nap. My brother was talking to Mom and Dad about the houseâ€™s gas bill and how he could not pay it. Despite he admitted to his lack of good financial decisions played in, that did not solve the case of money. So, sadly my father had to pay.
Monday was the day misfortune befell my mom. Her ankle is sprained. She thought it was her Achilles tendon, but we now think otherwise. She did something to it through yoga. She just did a move wrong somehow. It did not bother her that day, but by Monday morning she woke up limping. Poor, poor Momâ€¦ she went to work regardless.
I swear she gets more injuries while doing things that is supposed to be good for her health than otherwise. She did say that that particular ankle had caused her problems since she was around twelve thoughâ€¦ soâ€¦ who knows?
Oh, yeahâ€¦ my brother has issues with his tennisâ€¦ elbows? I think that is the word to describe it. He had to see the doctor on Monday around nine or ten. Heâ€™s on anti-inflammatory medicine now. It is likely due to his job.
Later on my father and I went out to do some errands. One dealt with my eldest brother and his licenseâ€¦ what it was, I have no idea. Then there was something that dealt with me. We had to go to the SSA building.
As mentioned elsewhere in this journal, due to retirement coming up, my father found good news in my financial future. Well, he was called on Saturday or he called there and something was worked out so that Tuesday I would be called by a woman there and be asked questions. That made me nervous enough that it showed well and my father wished to try to get it done while being here.
That did not work out. No one could really help usâ€¦ soâ€¦ after much talking, with my mother included by phone despite she was a work, we worked something out. My mother took off half a day today and came home. I figured that was good after she told me it was acceptable due to having vacation time still backed up and that it was half a dayâ€¦ I think. Yes, it is not clear to me, but it was something like that.
The rest of the day carried on and then night came. I stayed up late and talked to Kyle this morning during the ungodly hours. At a single moment, something struck me. I considered him family. I mean, I take to him as family from what I can see. In how long our relationship has beenâ€¦ about seven years now, I have always acted with him as though he were my family.
Friendship is an odd word in my case. I had trouble seeing him as a friend when we met and I have trouble calling him a friend even now. However, I have noticedâ€¦ familyâ€¦ yes.
With friends, I never could pour out my thoughts and issues. I was able to do that with him. A friend to me was a person who poured out all their problems to me and then suddenly seemed to forget I existed until they needed a bartender again.
Kyle thoughâ€¦ even though I did the pouring, I always ended up telling him I was sorry for telling him my problems, especially since they were usually always the same issue. I guessâ€¦ I did not want him to feel like I was using him like how my friends made me feel like when they used me.
Even now, when we do not really talk and just exchange a few words once in a whileâ€¦
Well, that was when I realized he was always like family to me and that we act how I know family to be. Iâ€™m very much this way with those I am closest to. Iâ€™m relatively distant.
Usually if I ever talk much, it is over my medical psyche, the troubles of others I know, and just hearing someone elseâ€™s day. Once in a while there will be reminisce. Overall though, I usually am just shut up in my room and doing my usual activities or I am keeping the house tidy.
Spending time with family usually means doing errands or watching television together as far as I am concerned. There is not much talking there on my part most of the time. Pretty muchâ€¦ I think it is the same with Kyle.
He was busy with something, so I kept quiet the rest of the time and eventually left to take a shower. While away, I thought about my wall. â€œThank you, Shredderyâ€¦ for still coming by once in a while and standing on the other side of it.â€
I found it interesting thatâ€¦ he was still there. I found it interesting that I was no longer feeling paranoia and telling myself that he was going to leave since that is what everyone before had done. I found it interesting that I did not even think. All I did was have a subconscious feeling, â€œI see him as family.â€
Anyway, when I returned he had turned in for the night? Maybe went to class? I really do not know. Saying goodbye is not often a custom between us. I think I went to sleep after that. Yeah. I woke at nine and got up at ten because the A/C was down low so I did not want to leave my warm covers. I did chores and later had a headache. I rested for a while until one o’clock came and my mother came home.
Well, no call occurred until maybe three or so. The woman said she would call at one-thirty. Evil. Well, I mainly said, â€œUhâ€, â€œYesâ€ and â€œOkayâ€. I likely looked bewildered to my mother and I was getting one of my â€œphoneâ€ headaches. It was good that my mother was thereâ€¦ because some things were veryâ€¦ Well, I did not remember the conversation clearly, let us say that.
I eventually said something that directed the woman to speaking with my mother after everything was settled. While they talked, I just sort of went into a fog and stared at our orange cat like a nut, I guess.
Soâ€¦ it seems I am an â€œAdult disabled childâ€. No longer underâ€¦ whatever it is I was beforeâ€¦ maybe it was just that SSI they would say every once in a whileâ€¦ Well, my mother explained I was now going to Medicaid under the state rather than the federal government.(Can you tell I wrote some of this down in notes? No? Oh well. I did.)
From what I understand, due to my father no longer working and thus no longer getting the income we are accustomed to, certain expenses or whatever that dealt with me would not be covered or some sortâ€¦ (I could be completely stirring up a nonexistent theory though) so I am getting more than I did before due to this.
My mother said the womanâ€™s words had something about me being â€œentitled to higher benefitsâ€ since Iâ€™ll be under his retirement record. If you donâ€™t get the gist, pretty much Iâ€™m as lost in this matter as I was in Spanish class. I pick up a few words, get a vague idea in some areas and that is it. Lo siento. No comprende.
Soâ€¦ I should be gettingâ€¦ about twice the amount of money than before come November when my fatherâ€™s retirement is all set up and he is able to move down here. As usual, my parents were ecstatic at the good news. It puts them at ease to know that I will likely do well enough financially for my life time come the future. Mom said my dad was near in tears from relief/happiness/something. Well, at least they had some good news for once.
Me? Well, as my mom told my dad on the phoneâ€¦ my reaction was the usual about the news. â€œSheâ€™s like, â€˜So?â€™â€ I corrected her that I was more along the lines of, â€œâ€¦okay?â€ I mean, it is a relief. I will say that. Now I donâ€™t have to worry (well, cynically predict and tell myself to prepare for) life on the streets as a nutcase without medication who lives off trash.
I meanâ€¦ What am I supposed to do? Jump up and down, go yippity-doo-dah-day and think up how Iâ€™m going to spend my money? Uhâ€¦ no. Iâ€™m not the sort. I really intended to give half of my income to my parents to help in house payments, but my mother was against thatâ€¦ She says Iâ€™ll just work my way and likely pay only two-hundred. Well, Iâ€™ll just write three then.
Mom also says maybe Iâ€™ll be able to make up a savings account some day. Okay. I shrug. She also made note that it would be useful that I do as I doâ€¦ after all, should my family (particularly my parents) befall too much of a financial crisis, Iâ€™ll be able to help during those times. Iâ€™m fine with that then.
Why all the thoughts of giving my parents a good share of the money? I live under their house; they helped and guided me in all of this. Pretty much, other than my motherâ€™s note about my therapist mentioning the SSI to her in the first place and my medically proven disability, none of this would have been possibleâ€¦
I have no idea where I am going on this now. Damnâ€¦ Umâ€¦
Wellâ€¦ I guess that is it. My mind has suddenly gone blankâ€¦ sort ofâ€¦ Rightâ€¦