Whoo… I cannot remember enough of the past week, but… I do know I got a lot done.

My project is finished enough to the point I decided to put it up by a certain date, which was July, 7, 2007. Hey, how could I pass that one up?

* Um… Saturday, my mother and I searched for electric dog collars. Yeah, people say that is inhumane, but my mother argues that it seems less humane to let the dog get run over. Yeah, the dog has been getting out. We have no idea how since there are no holes dug and we have a tall fence. Thus, this was a last resort. It works so far. The dogs are avoiding the fence. It occurred just once with my mother’s dog and after that, no go.

Sunday is a blur to me, other than that I wrote a short story. Yeah. I wrote two short stories not too long after I finished my project because they would not stop bumping around in my head. One is around ten pages long. It is sort of a new take on the fairytale “The Frog Prince”. Why? I despised the princess in the original tale and thought the prince was stupid for marrying her.

The other is a remake of a retake. Heh. I wrote a story a long time ago titled “Gold”. I lost it however. I missed it, so decided to rewrite it. It is another retelling of a fairytale. This time the tale is Rumpelstiltskin. It is around twenty pages long. I think I enjoy this version better anyway. I finished it this morning. Hu.

Um… Today the Terminex guy is coming again. We have a web worm problem. The constant rain as of late is the possible cause. Anyway, we are infested. I am leery of stepping out even for grocery shopping due to the fact that the damn buggers fall from the trees. So, I’ll be staying up this morning.

Um… This Friday I will be seeing Wynne for what I assume will be a short visit. I’ll pay for something… meds? Perhaps it is for the visit? I don’t quite know. My dad should be coming down this weekend too. It might be Friday, it might be Saturday. I do not know.

That is all I’m writing. I need to leave.

This month a check did not come. My mother finally decided to call about it. Such a thing happens. From the call we learned that next time such a thing happens, we should call after the forth day. So, now they are looking into it. It could have gone to the wrong place and the like. It might have just vanished. After they make sure no one has tried to use it, in case it was stolen, they will send a second if the first one still has not come. If we end up getting two for this month, we just have to send one of them back since they cannot undo such themselves.

Um… My dad was here last weekend. He and my mother left the next day (Friday) to go to my sister’s Graduation. So, she is not finished with college and has a load of problems. Said problems are the following: No job, thus no cash, thus no place to live once her apartment lease is over. So… she is trying to come up with better options than having to live with my brother or us. My dad gave her money for her graduation present, so that should tie her over for a while. Hopefully she will find a job… or at least set her standards lower than what she has now. She expects the world on a silver platter without realizing that such a thing is not going to happen unless our parents were filthy rich and were of great influence over people in the field she studied on. Sigh.

Eh… Other than that things have gone relatively to the norm. I had a strange urge to draw ideas I had back when I was very little. Well, they were not so much as ideas as they were irks that I needed placated. I like to edit or do revamps of things. Well, there were various things I stumbled upon that drove this sudden need. How i came upon such things was due to looking around to see what sites I visited when I was in seventh grade were still around. There are still some around! I even found a few places that I had left my presence on while under a different name. Ah… nostalgia.

Oh, and since I cannot really do much for my mom and I think buying a paper card that has a saying on it is just… useless. I told my mom that e-cards were simply deleted right after read and that paper cards just take more effort to get rid of. So, when we ate out tonight, I bought. It was just my mother and me, so there were no qualms on my side – I am not buying my siblings a meal.

Uh… I guess that is all… well, other than the fact that I have more dentist appointments. I did not go on April the 30th. I did go last Monday. I have about four more visits to go. Why? Heh… the time it takes to work on one tooth is about two hours worth… I have come to find that dentistry is an art form of its own. The dentist has to shape my teeth. Last time I had a bit of concern over how my bite was since the wear was no longer there, but I became used to the change. This time one tooth is just too long, thus my bite is off. I get to tell her about it this coming Monday. One might think my teeth must be atrocious, but all the work is on cavities that are very small it seems. No, it is only the fact that the process takes a long time.

In any case I have had nice, brief conversations with the dentist after the work is done for the day. Somehow the talk about patience came into play and i told her how I lacked in it. She said I obviously had some since I sit silent and still for hours with my mouth wide open. Heh… I’m not a talker. I’m more of a thinker. I’m not restless if mentally preoccupied. Good times.

Okay, enough of this shit. I did not sleep last night, went to bed at one thirty PM and woke at six in the afternoon to go grocery shopping stayed up all of this night and it is now seven AM… I’m beat… mentally anyway.

Well, my dad left this morning to go back home.
We saw my eldest brother and his girlfriend yesterday. She will be leaving soon for a three month thing… something about marketing the arts…
This Thursday my mother and I will be heading for the capital and get our haircuts.
I have no idea what we will be doing for Easter Sunday, however… I guess I’ll question my mother tonight.
Sometime next week, I believe I will have that appointment mentioned before.
I’m starting to write down a few ideas in regards to the story outline.
I got my monthly check the other day. Hopefully we will be able to deposit it today.
Blah.

Well… let us see… Um, the appointment with the doctor the other day went without a hitch other than that I had to take my shirt off and have someone touching my very bare upper body. I was as stiff as an iron rod during that and was likely scowling. I don’t like being touched by others. No sir… gah! >.< Evil, evil, evil…
Sigh.
A test to check out my heart was done, hence why I had to have the shirt off… they needed to stick wires on me. Damn them… evil…
Uh… well, no result. I expected such. Therefore, it annoys me that I had to undress for it… since I am certain no one will ever find anything physically wrong with me. I do it so my mother will not worry though. Sigh… I’m such a sap.
Since nothing was found on that, I will be seeing some guy who is a lung specialist some point when my mom makes an appointment. oh goody. Again, I am going for her benefit so she will have sound mind that if it is something physical, then we will have caught it and not simply dismiss my issues as anxiety only. Peh.
Anyway, my dad will be coming down this Friday and friends of my parents back in the airforce days are near town, thus there will be a visit from them. I shall hide in my room longer than usual that day.
Eh… oh, and next up in appointments will be Cindy a week from today. Oh joy…
Oh, and on that note, my last check to Wynne has been written and mailed. Yeay! Bleh…
That is it.

My dad was down here until Wednesday (17th) due to weather being bad. He, my mother and my brother got cabin fever. Ha.
My appointments with Cindy have been changed from Mondays to Thursdays now.
My cat’s weight still is lower than it should be.
The plans for Saturday have been moved to next weekend.
On Friday I used my debit card for the first time… in fact the first three times actually.
Somewhere inbetween my last post and this post I wrote my “first” check. In other words, this is the first check I wrote without fumbling a million times – mentioned occurance dealt with writing a check to my sister and bumbling on it because she made me nervous.
During the weekend my mother and I cleaned up the house. My in put was mainly helping her clean the floor and the fridge.
Monday night my mother moved in the big humidifier into my room. We left it on and just by a few hours my eyes started to feel better. Apparently my room has the lowest humidity percentage in the whole house, thus my eyes being dry to the point that my mom worried of them tearing. I agree. I figured they would at some point as well. In fact… the left eye was shedding a bit. O.o…
So my room is freezing and my eyes feel better. I now am wandering around in a sweater when I would usually just wear a tank. Jeez. I’m still cold too. Even in bed I am a bit cold. Oh well.
Tuesday and Wednesday were spent very much on reading a book I ordered. It was almost 600 pages and was pretty good too. By the middle my suspicions were solid, so I took a glance at the last few pages to assure it. I was correct. (Yeah, I don’t care if I already know the ending of things.)
By Thursday my eyes bothered me a bit still. I saw Cindy that day and we relayed things. They talked and I suppose it went through one ear, my brain poked at it in hopes of figuring it out and then kicked it out the other ear when it gave up.
I vaguely remember them talking about having me become more independent. They hope for me to learn how to handle ordering things over the phone like medicine, handling reciepts and the bank account and various other things.
Well, that is all fine and dandy, but the thing is the question of remembering. When I say that, I do not mean just to do the stuff, but how to do it as well. They tell me I will learn, like how I did with bathing, brushing my teeth and all that junk. I question though. At that time I actually had a decently working brain and when a child you are more impressionable as well as curious to learn.
Another topic was my “twisted logic”. Cindy got the jist of it though and agreed that it is a logical conclusion. The conclusion? When my parents are dead, what is keeping me here? I have talked about such before with my mother. It was that session did I learn that she had misunderstood despite the many times I explained it. It was quite depressing.
The way she understood it was, that if they died who would I have to guide and take care of me? Ha. I’m not that selfish. I told her countless of times, I would likely wind up a bum on the street or in a homeless shelter if the worst were to happen. No worries there.
No, what I meant was, if they are gone, what other reason there there for keeping me here? I told her times before that I would never commit suicide or harm myself as long as they were alive. Why? Because it apparently hurts them and for some reason they really care about me. I owe it to them. However, once they are gone, what is there to stop me then?
My mother and Cindy spoke of looking for things to make me desire to live. Heh. I’m not calling out for death or anything, but really. It is a waste of space when one looks at how I live. I have no ambitions. I won’t affect people since I am a hermit and will be even more isolated when older. I am not looking to make a difference like those aspiring individuals out there. What sort of impact would my death make? Nadda.
Oh well.
Anyway, this Friday (26th), the Sears guy came to look at the dryer. He temporarily fixed it, but will come back next Friday to fix it completely once the new fins come in.
Saturday, I got my hair cut, got some jeans and ate lunch with my mother and sister. I bought all of that stuff. Dude. By the ending of the trip I was starting to feel bad and became… cranky. Told my mom “fuck you” at one point and appologized a few minutes or so after. ‘Did not expect for her to take it so badly. Then again, I’m odd and at the time I was too preoccupied with pain I was snappy. Anyway… I was out like a bulb slightly before we left (while leaving my sister’s appartment I probably would have toppled down the stairs had there not been a railing, because I was feeling so bad I stumbbled) until… about one this moring.

Well, we’ve had the dog for half a week and simply put, I dislike him. It was determined that I would not like him in the beginning, but now it is proven. Yeah, I’m not a dog person. I do not mind them far away or patting one on the head once in a while, but other than that… no. I could go on and on about what he has been doing to the house, but that is sort of a no brainer in terms of a puppy.
Anyway, my dad went back to his apartment on Monday morning. This week so far is not too bad, minus the dog. Friday I’ll be seeing Mrs. Wynn and Saturday my mom made an appointment for haircuts, so I’ll be dragged along into that for a day. That is all I have to write. I am not feeling too hot.

I did not go in on *Monday due to being bedridden for the day. When my dentisit appointment rolled around, I went, but was miserable. It seems my teeth are undergoing erosion. The reason is likely due to the amount of soda I drink. Cut back on the soda then? I do not drink that much, just about two to three a day. That is not much compared to some people I know. Still the acid is effecting my teeth horrendously.
Tuesday, I went to my “job” as usual. It felt clammy, sick and what-not during the morning, but it calmed down later on. I was rather irritable… thus when a lady was being cheerful I was thinking, “Get the hell away from me.” I’m sure there were subconscious things as well… they were likely far more vile, though.
Wednesday, today, was all fine. I was in better shape and actually slept rather decently the night before, which is a rarity lately. I walked home as usual, did some chores, ate something finally and ended up crashing around three. I awoke again at five when my mother peeped her head into my room.
Anyway… tomorrow is my day off, thus I will mainly do chores and dusting. There is something scheduled tomorrow for 2 o’clock… something about my social security. Anything else? Nah.

Well, I found out the whereabouts of the twins. I ended up having a feeling that… was not of the most positive. It was not anything like annoyance, anger or anything negative like that… but it was not relief or something a person usually felt when finally knowing the answer after much concern. Emotions are hard to place.
Tomorrow my dad will be coming down. He’ll be staying until Sunday this time. Friday my second brother is leaving for a break, going around the area we used to livve at. My sister is back from her trip to LA. She is all fine and dandy. She is moving into her appartment now. My eldest brother is still a disappointment and my mom thinks she very well will have to seel my grandmother’s house much to her displeasure – sentimentality afterall.
*Yesterday, my mother came into my room and poured out her annoyance/troubltes/something over my eldest brother. I cannot say I am much help on the matters, but I could listen. I hate it when people ask for certain input, though. My mom asked about some things that I cannot fathom. Oh well.
Tomorrow I am going to try to make my sleeping pattern more towards one of “normalcy”. Fat chance that is, but I am going to try. It will be one huge struggle for me. Trying to stay awake all daylight hours never was a strong point of mine. I sleep oposite. I’m not diurnal and I have struggled plenty on trying to become such, but it never worked. Even harder, I can only sleep around four hour long intervals, thus having my sleep split into two different times a day. Simply put, the endeavor shall be a bitch.
That is all I am writing.

Well, I have the Internet back. Sadly, I am also rendered to Windows again – what a bitch. Heh. It took me a while to get used to it again, but I’m starting to get a handle once more. I just know that spyware programs and all of that junk are going to become great annoyances to me now. That will be one of the main things I’ll miss about Linux.
Oh well, I guess it is not so bad. It was a pain redoing everything though. I have all the things I require back, minus one program, I believe. A condolence for the loss is that I can use the old graphic editing program I had before now.
I mentioned somewhere about finding the old Gateway laptop my mom used back during my years in middle school. Well, lo and behold, it had the very program. Yeah, it is that bloody old. I love it though. The new ones today are all hyped and confuse me to hell. If I do figure them out, they are a freaking pain to use anyway due to the many steps required. Another thing is that I cannot have certain precisions on them… that is not a good combination with OCD, which in turn does not due well with someone who is prone to repressed anger issues. Restraint! Restraint!
Anyway, there was another paint program I used to use, but that one was freakishly old too, and it was not on said laptop. Hopefully, I will find a more updated version of it that will be of use. If not… well, at least I have the main program I cared about.
My dad came here on Friday. He really needs to learn how to rest. Sheesh. In midst of this, he helped me relocate a shelf in my closet. He was the one who broke it to me that I’d have to revert to Windows. He did all that happy junk for me. It was a painful time. Heh. It was a bitch for him to try to get the Internet working. It became a bastard when he bought a splitter cable and it caused much problems in terms of the Internet as well as doing nothing for my TV.
I have two lamps for my night stands finally. My father bought me speakers for some reason – apparently he thinks my using a pair of headphones to not be acceptable. Bah. I also have a light pull for my ceailing fan, the previous one was for a little boy’s room – previous owner.
Mom found a bookshelf that she thought was black. She took me to see it. I automatically could tell it was brown. Heh. I’m such a bastard. My parents do not realize how well I differenciate colors. Yes, the wood was very dark. That did not change the fact that I could tell it was brown. This time around I did not say no to it. I figure, even though I know it is not black, apparently most people cannot. My parents have been great examples to this.
Today I had the doors to my closet taken off. They are those slide folding ones. My father struggled trying to get one of them out. I wandered off, got my multi-tool and made it into a screwdriver. I undid one screw. my dad argued it would only adjust something. I dismissed him, I was going to try it out. If it worked then yay! If not, oh well. To his demise it worked. I was humored.
I still have a few things left to do about my room before it is deemed “complete enough”. It will be a while before it is “complete”. What is required for “complete enough”, is the ability to unpack the rest of my boxes. Said boxes are three. Two hold books. The other holds my downcomforter, which is the cushioning for some fragile things that need a shelf to be put on. So yeah, I need some more shelves put up and then everything will be unpacked.
Well, I cannot say I can think of much more… I saw the therapist last Monday. I saw the psychiatrist last Friday. There is nothing new in both sessions. I won’t see the therapist for the next two Mondays, from what I believe. If not, it is one Monday. Since things have been going well for me, I will not see the psychiatrist for four months. I shrug at such.
Um… CP and Neko are still absent. They have a house guest that was supposed to stay only for a short time. He’s become something of a long term resident, I think. They are having their troubles, but I cannot really keep up due to lack of communication. I can only wish them well.
Well, my hands are still freakishly cold, thus making it a bitch to type. I guess that will be all, other than that my dad is leaving this morning when the hour is not near 2 in the morning.