My dad was down here until Wednesday (17th) due to weather being bad. He, my mother and my brother got cabin fever. Ha.
My appointments with Cindy have been changed from Mondays to Thursdays now.
My cat’s weight still is lower than it should be.
The plans for Saturday have been moved to next weekend.
On Friday I used my debit card for the first time… in fact the first three times actually.
Somewhere inbetween my last post and this post I wrote my “first” check. In other words, this is the first check I wrote without fumbling a million times – mentioned occurance dealt with writing a check to my sister and bumbling on it because she made me nervous.
During the weekend my mother and I cleaned up the house. My in put was mainly helping her clean the floor and the fridge.
Monday night my mother moved in the big humidifier into my room. We left it on and just by a few hours my eyes started to feel better. Apparently my room has the lowest humidity percentage in the whole house, thus my eyes being dry to the point that my mom worried of them tearing. I agree. I figured they would at some point as well. In fact… the left eye was shedding a bit. O.o…
So my room is freezing and my eyes feel better. I now am wandering around in a sweater when I would usually just wear a tank. Jeez. I’m still cold too. Even in bed I am a bit cold. Oh well.
Tuesday and Wednesday were spent very much on reading a book I ordered. It was almost 600 pages and was pretty good too. By the middle my suspicions were solid, so I took a glance at the last few pages to assure it. I was correct. (Yeah, I don’t care if I already know the ending of things.)
By Thursday my eyes bothered me a bit still. I saw Cindy that day and we relayed things. They talked and I suppose it went through one ear, my brain poked at it in hopes of figuring it out and then kicked it out the other ear when it gave up.
I vaguely remember them talking about having me become more independent. They hope for me to learn how to handle ordering things over the phone like medicine, handling reciepts and the bank account and various other things.
Well, that is all fine and dandy, but the thing is the question of remembering. When I say that, I do not mean just to do the stuff, but how to do it as well. They tell me I will learn, like how I did with bathing, brushing my teeth and all that junk. I question though. At that time I actually had a decently working brain and when a child you are more impressionable as well as curious to learn.
Another topic was my “twisted logic”. Cindy got the jist of it though and agreed that it is a logical conclusion. The conclusion? When my parents are dead, what is keeping me here? I have talked about such before with my mother. It was that session did I learn that she had misunderstood despite the many times I explained it. It was quite depressing.
The way she understood it was, that if they died who would I have to guide and take care of me? Ha. I’m not that selfish. I told her countless of times, I would likely wind up a bum on the street or in a homeless shelter if the worst were to happen. No worries there.
No, what I meant was, if they are gone, what other reason there there for keeping me here? I told her times before that I would never commit suicide or harm myself as long as they were alive. Why? Because it apparently hurts them and for some reason they really care about me. I owe it to them. However, once they are gone, what is there to stop me then?
My mother and Cindy spoke of looking for things to make me desire to live. Heh. I’m not calling out for death or anything, but really. It is a waste of space when one looks at how I live. I have no ambitions. I won’t affect people since I am a hermit and will be even more isolated when older. I am not looking to make a difference like those aspiring individuals out there. What sort of impact would my death make? Nadda.
Oh well.
Anyway, this Friday (26th), the Sears guy came to look at the dryer. He temporarily fixed it, but will come back next Friday to fix it completely once the new fins come in.
Saturday, I got my hair cut, got some jeans and ate lunch with my mother and sister. I bought all of that stuff. Dude. By the ending of the trip I was starting to feel bad and became… cranky. Told my mom “fuck you” at one point and appologized a few minutes or so after. ‘Did not expect for her to take it so badly. Then again, I’m odd and at the time I was too preoccupied with pain I was snappy. Anyway… I was out like a bulb slightly before we left (while leaving my sister’s appartment I probably would have toppled down the stairs had there not been a railing, because I was feeling so bad I stumbbled) until… about one this moring.