Kind of Pathetic…

Well, since my last entry my health levels have gone down quite a bit. I’m still in recovery mode. Last week, from the twenty-seventh to the thirtieth my schedule and eating was off some. This was due to my mother staying home to work on an essay and doing yoga. Basically she wants to be a yoga instructor and so she’s been home-studying and such.
Anyway, since it is summer and gets up to the upper 90s to low 100s now, we have mainly walking on the weekends. Since she would be home for most of a week, it was decided that we’d wake early and get out around 6:15. Now, anyone who really knows me well is aware my body is a mystery to what is normal for most human bodies. It is also bloody sensitive to change and schedules.
Well, my strange sleeping tendencies were disrupted for half a week and the protein shakes my mom would give me in the morning were completely forgotten about. Both of those things are very important to my energy levels, especially as I get older it seems. As noted sometime earlier this year during spring, I had a disturbingly harsh exhaustion episode. Well, since then I’ve still sort of been battling on finding a balance when it comes to food.
I require foods that can give me a good amount of energy. Protein seems to be the most important since the protein shakes I drink the morning really help keep me stable based on the times my mother forgot to give me them for a few days. Usually not having them for about three days can lead me to an exhaustion spell again. None of them have been as bad as the one in spring though.
One might say, why not eat more meat? Well, I would, but for some reason my body doesn’t process meat well and eating too much of it usually leads to my body rejecting it and… oh, hello there, Ralph! Anyway, these days when I’m feeling rather low on the energy scale I just have to eat more. Other times I grab a soda for the sugar or snack on some peanut butter for the protein.
Now, where is the balancing problem? Well, I cannot eat too much. Big meals can cause me a lot of problems as well. Too much food can get lodged in my digestive system and get stuck there. Sometimes too much food doesn’t even make to my stomach because it gets lodged into my throat and I get to enjoy nearly choking for a long time until the food finally makes it all the way down. Why this happens, I don’t know. Apparently my grandmother had similar problems though, which is interesting since she and i are not biologically related. Anyway… Yeah.
Eating is a fine balancing act for me. Eat too much = Pain or choking. Eat too little = Extreme exhaustion. It is annoying.
Well, now that all of that information is recorded, add in the sleep problems and my schedule being different for half a week. Those two things cause stress whether I notice the stress or not. I had no problem having my mom home during the day for most of the week and I like walking even if it is around six in the morning. The only problem is my body… as usual. Maybe is the whole thing had been eased, it wouldn’t have had such a blow on it, but in any case, the sudden change was a jolt based on the evidence. In result, my body and mind were stressed and stress leads to having my energy drained. Yeah.
All in all, I have been quite useless since this weekend. I struggle with chores; I sleep like mad; I need to consume more food than usual this week… and despite all the sleep and eating, I’m still annoyingly weak. While it might all be in my mind, I think some of my clothes are even looser on me. Oi.
So yeah… my health is not at its best.
In all of this, I have discovered two things, though…

The first thing to note:
I have always liked the Henry David Thoreau quote, “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” I always thought that suited my well. Then a while back I determined, maybe I don’t even follow the beat of a different drum. Rather than keeping a beat, maybe others are just dragging me along when I have no interest in the various drums whatsoever.
My most recent determination is maybe I am a completely different drum entirely. In other words, my body doesn’t follow a beat. It is a beat of its own. So, while there are those out there who will try to play me with a drumstick and do manage to get the beat they want to hear… I think my drum prefers the gentle patting of skilled hands and doing its own interpretations of various songs and rhythms.

The second thing to note:
Just a day or two ago I had been so physically tired again I didn’t even try to eat when I knew I needed to. I was tired and that usually means I should eat something quickly in order to assure I don’t wind up so exhausted I cannot move. Well, I was to the point that making myself something to eat was too much a bother, so I just collapsed and slept the day away.
To my fortune, when my mom awoke me, the sleep had enabled me to slowly gather and conserve enough energy to make a meal when I got up. Otherwise it probably would have been the “we need to get you some Gatorade to raise your electrolytes” and whatever hoop-la again while I’m shaking due to lack of energy.
Yeah, though… in this it has been determined. I can never live on my own. In order to make sure I don’t die due to not being able to make it to a refrigerator, I’ll always need someone there to at least check on me. Mom tries to make sure to wake me up when she checks on me and finds me asleep now. She’s the reason I get the protein shakes in the morning. While I’m able to remember to take my meds half of the time, the other half of the time my mom reminds me because I certainly wouldn’t have remembered at the time.
So… pretty much, on my own… I’d either go into withdrawal because I forgot to take my medication, I’d overdose because I accidentally took my meds twice, I’d wind up in a hospital due to dangerously low energy levels or I’d be dead because one of those three things went too far… How lovely.

Hm… Dad and Mom are back. Apparently my father decided to get me dinner from Wendy’s. Dad shows his love by quantity. Since food is the case right now, it will be the example used.
If you ask him for a small, he’ll get you a large. I asked for nothing and tonight he got me a ten-piece chicken nugget, fries, large drink and a small frosty. That is a lot as far as I am concerned… and while I’m usually safe with chicken, I’m pretty sure if I go over five pieces, my body will start doing its “I Reject!” thing and then… Bye-bye, Dinner… Hello again, Ralph. It also doesn’t help that I don’t eat much fast food, so if the grease decides to be mean to me later… meh.

Well, I have written what I’ve been meaning to get down for a while now. There were certainly some other thoughts I had wanted to write, but I cannot recall them.

As for news and schedules… Tomorrow I’ll be seeing Mrs. Wynne. Hopefully I’ll be back to normal by this weekend and can get some things done. until then… Who knows?