Let us see… A week ago, I finished up my physical by giving blood work. Fasting twelve hours before that, my mom and I stopped at IHOP’s to eat. We did some errands too… I cannot quite remember all of them. I do know we did get flowers to put on my grandparents’ graves though.
Last Thursday I had my appointment with the specialist. By his word I don’t have to have any tests run. Yay. Instead he suggested I take this concoction-like drink three times a day. I’ve been doing that since Friday… I seem fine. My side still has twinges, but I’m able to eat normal food. Also, we got a call back about the blood tests. My cholesterol could still be better. The doctor says for me to avoid sweets again. I don’t even eat sweets and when I do it is on a very rare occasion. I don’t know what else he really expects of me. It is just nuts. I figure this cholesterol thing is a genetic thing, really. Other than that, I am fine.
Friday my parents and I went to the cemetery where my grandparents rest. On the trip we stopped for lunch first though. We ate at Abuelo’s and after a three, maybe four, hour trip, we reached the cemetery. My parents put flowers in front of Grandma and Grandpa’s tombstone. I meanwhile put the ones for my mother’s baby brother in.
After that we walked around, visited the site for our cousins’ elders and then just looked about the cemetery. Mom pointed out plots that held teachers she had when in elementary school and others she was aware of. When that was done we headed for home.
Saturday was pretty normal for me. My diet has changed a bit more as well. It has been a year since the ulcer diet started, so now I’ve added in some cooked vegetables and am working back to eating grains again. It has been working out fine.
Sunday I don’t remember much and Monday I was tired for some reason that I slept pretty much all day. I didn’t even see my parents that evening. Tuesday I managed to stay up most of the day.
All throughout this, I picked up some web crunching again and have added onto a site I hadn’t worked on for likely three-fourths of a year. It is pretty packed before I added more, but there is much to cover. Well, perhaps not really, but this is me… I’m extensive.
Well, other than that, nothing else comes to mind. that is all.

In the first week of March I began having abdominal problems. By the weekend there was immense pain. My mom looked up various possibilities and in the end I began a liquid diet. Ensure, broth, Gatorade and water was my nourishment. I wound up sleeping my life away for a while due to no energy.
Off and on I’d encounter discomfort to pain. Since I was out of it most of the time, I cannot really keep track of what days those were… Everything just melded together. I think it was the second week I was able to have pureed soup. I was bloody grateful. That weekend I had another bad bout of pain, however.
On the 16th I had considerable pain that went across almost all my abdomen and my lower back. It started after drinking a cup of soy milk. The pain lasted for two hours. My mom finally decided to make an appointment to see the doctor. Two in a half hours later we went.
Exhausted, I wound up falling asleep. Our appointment was delayed due to many patients coming in. We saw him at five.
Nothing could really be done. He checked me out, asked questions and eventually there was a suggestion to see a specialist that dealt with intestinal problems. We decided to see how things went and would check him out when spring break was over, since he was out of town for vacation.
Well, the rest of the week I wound up doing fine.
Sunday did cause slight problems… again what preceded it was a cup of soy milk after avoiding it since Tuesday. Mom decided I should keep avoiding it. After that, there was no problems.
Yesterday my mom and I had our physicals. My heart rate is fine and all that jazz. During this whole liquid diet thing, I’ve lost five pounds though. Bah. How annoying. The doctor checked me out as usual and we mentioned about the second episode and the soy milk.
It is just a theory, but they wondered if I was allergic to protein… This was brought on when it was noted that I’ve never really liked it. It is true. I have never liked eating meat. The only time I eat it is when I crave it and that is usually well cooked bacon, lean chicken or beef jerky… I usually require it to be a bit dry too. Any other meat I’ve tried either immediately makes me want to hurl or eventually does… even said chicken has done such on rare occasions.
So, there is a theory… it will likely be brought up when I see the specialist. I won’t be seeing him until a week from now though. Still, I’m doing okay so far.
This passed Sunday I tried eating a peanut butter sandwich on white bread. There was only a paper thin amount of peanut butter, but it gave me no issues. Since then once a day I’ve been eating a soft, solid food… basically a peanut butter sandwich. I’ve been just fine.
Oh, yeah… I got my tetanus shot yesterday as well. I was apparently overdue. Every time I get a shot it always reminds me of how I got them so often as a child. To my fortune I am apathetic about getting them. I feel sorry for those who fear them.
Anything else? No idea. I don’t really care either. I seem to be very apathetic now. I just thought I’d write this all out so I’d have something of a time line and record to relay to the doctor next week. Bah.

Yes… it is snowing today. My parents informed me the day before that it would. I was skeptical and allowed myself to be… quietly, I figured, if I felt that way then the likelihood of it occurring would be so. Usually expectations get thwarted.
The last time it snowed here was maybe three or four years ago. It somewhat amuses me that I have seen snow here more in five years than I ever did when I lived farther north. Despite this, I hold no childlike wonder or giddiness over it. i looked out and thought, “Ah, it is snowing.” If anything made me feel delight it was the fact that it was my cat’s first snow. He isn’t all that interested either though, but it makes me happy.
Other than that, I have little to say. Well, something happened yesterday that is to be noted, though. What I get monthly is based on what my dad gets in regards to social security or something… well, a year or two ago they goofed and wound up paying my dad more than intended. Because of that they did the same with me. So, my dad now owes around two thousand and so dollars and I owe around a thousand and five hundred. My parents told me not to worry about it though… Huh…
Other than that… not much has happened that sticks out to me. I did get to talk with Kyle for a while the other night… it was the most we had really conversed in a long time. It was nice. There is also that haircut appointment at the end of the week. To bloody expensive if you ask me, but I’d rather have a terribly expensive haircut that actually looks good on me and feels right rather than a cheap one that is like a chili bowl and doesn’t… Oi.
That is all.

I apologize for last night. I truly meant nothing harmful by it. It isn’t until now that I have come to understand why my words upset you so. It was a complete misunderstanding.
When I say, “Oh, (insert name) has dependency issues.” I say it with affection. I’ve always used it to mean, “Oh, (insert name) wants some affection.”
In my home it is understood what I mean. I also have never seen the term co-dependent as a bad thing, nor have known it to be.
From some enlightenment from a family member (no, I didn’t relay last night to said member) I realize why you became so upset.
I am not well versed in what is acceptable behavior and wording when it comes to socializing. I never mean to provoke or cause harm. I avoid confrontation if I can help it because it makes me nervous and upset. You might say I have a bit of PTSD in regards to such. In turn, I freeze and am terrified.
I never apologized last night because I believe that an apology must be sincere and understood. At the time, I had no idea what I did wrong. I could not be sincere until I knew what was the fault because it goes against my morals.
I was sorry I hurt you, I was sorry things turned out like they did, but I couldn’t say I was sorry for what I said when I didn’t know why it was so “terrible”.
Now I know why. I apologize for causing you pain and thus anger. Again, whatever way you interpreted it, it wasn’t so.

I do not expect a reply, but I hope you read this.
Don’t worry though, I will never appear in chat again.

—

Saturday night had been a harsh one. The letter I wrote to a specific person basically tells the story. All of this happened in a chat room. I said something along the lines of, “(Insert name), you seem to have some dependency issues.”
She asked me what I meant when she caught it and whether I was joking or not. Well, since I didn’t interpret my words as a bad thing, I replied I wasn’t joking nor was I insulting her. It went downhill after that.
After the incident, I tried to understand why she was so upset, from another person who had been in the chat room. He couldn’t help. After dwelling and still not understanding I picked up a habit I had used once before to cope. Yes, cope. After I had said the “dependency issue” phrase, the girl had blown up at me and cursed at me like mad. Basically it left me in tears and confusion.
Said habit is deleting posts. The chat I was in was an extension from the board I’ve mentioned previously on here. I have a plenty good amount of posts on there so last night I spent some good hours deleting posts I made. It is somewhat therapeutic doing such repetitious acts and after a while I wasn’t crying and I was less emotional. Thoughts weren’t occurring as often. I went to sleep around four.
I woke up briefly around seven, ate breakfast and soon enough went to sleep again. I didn’t get up until perhaps one this afternoon. As mentioned in the letter, I did ask a family member for enlightenment. My mom understands me the best and is able to make things easier for me to comprehend. As noted in the letter, I would say “dependency issues” with an entirely different meaning than others know it to mean. My mom is aware of this and knows my true intentions. When it was established that that would be the topic, I simply asked her, “To say it to another person thought would be considered an insult though?” She told me yes. She then explained what negative connotations can come from it.
I still don’t quite understand what is so terrible about saying such on a sympathetic level, but I have a better mental understanding now. Well, with the help of a board member I was able to contact the girl and send her the letter. I deleted a few more posts after that and talked with a few members via messenger, but mainly just kept to myself. Talking and writing out such things do not always work for me. I am tired and my preservation tendencies are trying their hardest to make me numb.
She replied. She made it out to be nothing and that she accepted my apology. In the end she said she just wanted me to understand why my words had been so wrongly used. As I told others, even if she were to accept my apology, I doubted it would change anything from my side. It is true… and her response rather sealed the deal. If it was so small a deal, then why did she feel the need to corner me, write profanities and terrify me out of my wits? If she wanted me just to understand what I did wrong, why didn’t she just try to explain rather than yell at me until I cried? I cannot take her response to be genuine. Even if it is, I still cannot see her in the same light as before. She depresses me.
I don’t know how long I will avoid the board and I have no idea if I’ll ever go back into chat. For now though, I seem to rely on my more animalistic ways. My heart was cracked deeply… and all I wish is to avoid them and heal quietly.
From this I have learned that even the most docile of people can turn a one-eighty. I’ve also learned I still am utterly helpless when it comes to understanding things.  I now know to no longer use such a phrasing. I know now that happiness really can leave one vulnerable when something bad does happen. Being human and yet not understanding how to be one is annoying.

That is all.